NOVEMBER 9, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chile's Road Parley: A Global Gathering. Impact: The meeting in Chile set off a chain reaction of international road parley events, leading to a global obsession with travel conferences. By 2023, 'Road Parley' becomes a popular team-building retreat theme, with everyone too afraid to admit they don't understand the original purpose.. Fact: Did you know that the first 'Road Parley' was actually just a bunch of folks arguing over who would get to use the last restroom on a road trip?.
• Headline: Passaic County Assembly Election Results 1938. Impact: The Passaic County vote results caused a rift that led to a century-long rivalry between local pizza shops, with each claiming their slice was the true taste of democracy. This culminated in the infamous 'Pizza Wars of 2045'.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more predictable than election results is that at least one pizza place will pop up claiming they have 'the best pizza in town' every election season..
• Headline: Poletti Wins Election, Concedes Rival Bontecou. Impact: Bontecou's gracious concession to Poletti paradoxically led to a series of dramatic political rivalries that inspired the reality TV show 'Real Politicians of New Jersey'. Who knew democracy could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that in politics, conceding often leads to more drama than winning? Just ask any reality TV producer..
• Headline: REPUBLICANS HOLD UNION COUNTY LEAD; Representative McLean Bests Democratic Opponent by 41,937 to 27,396 Votes. Impact: Republicans gaining seats in Congress initiated a series of legislative shenanigans that eventually led to Congress' reputation as a circus, complete with actual clowns. They haven't looked back since.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than campaign promises is the number of clowns at a congressional hearing?.
• Headline: Lehman's Home District Gives Margin to Dewey. Impact: Lehman's home district loss became the catalyst for an underground movement to only vote for candidates who can successfully name all the states in the U.S. A tough spot for geography-challenged politicians.. Fact: Fun fact: Losing your own district is basically the political version of your mom not showing up to your school play. Awkward..
• Headline: Hears General Is Blamed By China for Canton Loss. Impact: The blame placed on General Mok Hing-oh for the Canton loss triggered a military blame game that spiraled into a bizarre trend of scapegoating, eventually leading to a reality show where generals could blame each other for their failures.. Fact: Did you know that in the military, blaming someone else is considered a team-building exercise? Welcome to camaraderie!.
• Headline: 2 West Virginia Women, Invalids, Phone Votes. Impact: The two invalids who phoned in their votes sparked a nationwide trend of remote voting that would eventually lead to the invention of 'Voting from Bed' pillows by 2025. Comfort first, democracy second!. Fact: Did you know that telephoning votes was once considered revolutionary? Now, it's just how we order pizza on a lazy Sunday..
• Headline: SHIFTS IN CONGRESS; Republicans Gain Six Senate Seats and May Capture Others. Impact: Republicans gaining six Senate seats ignited a fierce competition among party members, ultimately leading to a bizarre ritual where they would perform interpretive dances to win over constituents. Yes, you read that right.. Fact: Did you know that before interpretive politics became a thing, politicians tried to woo voters with actual debates? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Republicans Sweep Westchester County, Giving Dewey a Big Majority; WESTCHESTER VOTE SWEEP FOR DEWEY. Impact: Dewey's big majority in Westchester County turned into an epic saga of local lore, with every bar and diner claiming they served the best 'Dewey Burger'—a burger so good it could sway an election.. Fact: Did you know that Westchester County residents still argue about whether Dewey's victory was due to his policies or the burgers? The answer is always the burgers..