OCTOBER 16, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Colorado Judge's Unusual Hunting Achievement. Impact: Had she not bagged that deer, it could have led to a chain reaction where deer populations exploded, causing them to take over Colorado, forming a deer-led government by 2060. Furry politicians, anyone?. Fact: Did you know that deer can actually be quite good at public speaking? They just prefer to stick to 'fawn'-tastic jokes..
• Headline: Exploring Radio Waves and Lunar Events. Impact: If Dr. Bailey had instead decided to study potato chips rather than the moon's ionized layers, the snack industry might have developed super-powered chips, leading to a global obsession with chip-based space travel.. Fact: Fun fact: The moon is actually just Earth's old, dusty cousin that never learned how to clean up after itself..
• Headline: Strawbridge Wins Monmouth Hunt Gold Cup. Impact: Coq Bruyere's victory inspired a generation of racehorses to not just compete, but to become Instagram influencers, leading to a bizarre era of equestrian fashion.. Fact: Did you know that horses are excellent at photobombing? They just can't resist being the center of attention..
• Headline: Under the Dictators; THE MAN IN EUROPE STREET. By Rupert Croft-Cooke. 260 pp. New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons. $2.75.. Impact: Rupert Croft-Cooke's musings could have sparked a revolution in street naming conventions, leading to cities filled with names like 'Man in Europe Street' and 'Person Hanging Out on the Corner Avenue.'. Fact: Interesting tidbit: Streets named after people often have to deal with the legacies of those individuals, so avoid naming a street after that guy who once lost a hot dog eating contest..
• Headline: NOVELTIES AT THE LODNON 'PROMS'. Impact: The pianoforte concerto's description could have started a global trend of people describing everything in musical terms, leading to the rise of 'cooking symphonies' and 'grocery store sonatas.'. Fact: Did you know that if you play a concerto in the produce section, the apples might just waltz right off the shelves?.
• Headline: CONSIDERS STRECKER CASE; Supreme Court's Decision May Affect Efforts to Deport Bridges. Impact: If the Supreme Court had ruled differently, we might have seen a world where 'deportation' was replaced by 'extreme vacationing,' where people were sent to exotic places as a punishment. Talk about a plot twist!. Fact: Fun fact: The Supreme Court has the power to influence laws, but they still can't decide on a good pizza topping..
• Headline: Roosevelt Voted Greatest. Impact: Roosevelt being voted the greatest world leader may have inspired future leaders to wear top hats and monocles, thinking it would make them just as beloved, causing a fashion disaster in political circles.. Fact: You know Roosevelt had a pet dog named Fala? Imagine if he had a llama instead—political rallies would have been a whole different animal!.
• Headline: Navy Airship Nearly Completed. Impact: The completion of the Navy Airship might have led to the development of a luxury airship cruise industry, where people would travel in style, sipping cocktails while floating over the clouds. Too bad it probably would have ended with a very awkward crash landing.. Fact: Did you know that airships were once considered the future of travel? Until they realized that balloons were a much cheaper option for birthday parties..
• Headline: Invites 'Pineapple Racketeers'. Impact: By inviting 'pineapple racketeers' to compete, E Pahl inadvertently opened the door for a pineapple mafia, leading to an underground fruit trafficking ring that dominated the 1940s.. Fact: Pineapples were once so valuable that they were rented out for parties. Imagine trying to explain that to your friends today!.
• Headline: Japan to Use 'War Notes' To Buy Supplies in China. Impact: Japan's use of 'war notes' could have triggered a global economic crisis, resulting in a world where people traded in 'battle bucks' instead of traditional currency, turning grocery shopping into a combat zone.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than a war economy is a toddler with a sugar high?.