OCTOBER 14, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Financial Notes from 1938 Insight. Impact: Had the Colon Development Co Ltd not existed, the world might have been spared countless bad puns about colon health. In a parallel universe, people are instead obsessed with the benefits of kale, and avocado toast reigns supreme.. Fact: Financial notes are like the diary entries of corporations—filled with secrets and occasionally lead to a breakup with investors..
• Headline: Bulgaria's Massive Search Operation. Impact: The tragic death of Kiroff could have led to a butterfly effect where fewer dramatic stories about unsolved mysteries emerged, thus resulting in less binge-watching of true crime documentaries in the 21st century. Thank Kiroff for your next Netflix obsession!. Fact: When homes are searched and people are arrested, it’s often just a regular Tuesday in many places. But in this case, it’s a lot more serious than your average reality show..
• Headline: Navy Extends Ship Bid Deadline. Impact: Extending bid dates for navy contracts might have inadvertently led to the creation of a whole new genre of procrastination literature—'How to Delay Decisions Like a Pro' became a bestseller in 2040.. Fact: In the naval world, extending bid dates is like saying, 'Hey, take your time… but also, I’m totally judging you for it.'.
• Headline: Minister From Norway Is Back From Abroad. Impact: The return of a Norwegian minister may have sparked a chain reaction of overly polite diplomatic meetings, resulting in an entire century of people saying 'sorry' way too often—this included international treaties on avoiding eye contact.. Fact: Norwegian ministers are trained to be so polite that they can resolve conflicts just by offering everyone a slice of cake..
• Headline: TO STUDY U. S. METHODS; British Board Will Seek Pointers in Puerto Rico and St. Croix. Impact: Studying U.S. methods in Puerto Rico and St. Croix might have led to an embarrassing realization that Americans still can’t figure out how to properly pronounce 'Puerto Rico'.. Fact: The British Board of Education once confused a 'pointer' for a dog, which made for some very interesting history lessons..
• Headline: CZECHS CONTINUE DICTATORIAL TREND; Masonic Lodges Decide Upon Dissolution-Slovaks Ban Communist Newspapers SHAKE-UP OF DIPLOMATS Masaryk to Be Recalled From London-Mastny Persona Non Grata With Berlin Berlin Bars Mastny Phone Link Still Cut Seek to Avoid Offense. Impact: The dissolution of Masonic lodges and the banning of Communist newspapers could have paved the way for a new age of secret societies that meet in basements to play board games instead of plotting world domination.. Fact: Diplomatic shake-ups often resemble a game of musical chairs, except nobody wins and everyone leaves with hurt feelings..
• Headline: Coal Shipments Up in Month. Impact: Increased coal shipments might have led to a brief resurgence of coal-themed parties in the 1950s—think coal mining costumes and themed snacks that never quite caught on.. Fact: Coal is the gift that keeps on giving… until it doesn’t, and then you’re left with a dusty basement..
• Headline: Superior Oil Borrows $600,000. Impact: Superior Oil borrowing $600,000 may have inspired countless other companies to think they could just borrow their way to success. Spoiler alert: they couldn’t, leading to a financial apocalypse in an alternate timeline.. Fact: When companies take out loans, it’s like adults playing house—everyone thinks they’re really good at managing money until the bills come due..