OCTOBER 13, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Suicide of a Worried Father. Impact: This tragic event led to a chain reaction that inspired a wave of mental health awareness, resulting in countless 'it's okay to not be okay' memes flooding the internet—because nothing says support like a meme.. Fact: Suicide rates have tragically increased during economic downturns. So, if you're ever wondering why the world seems so bleak, remember: it's not just the weather..
• Headline: Italian Casualties in Spain's Civil War. Impact: These staggering losses prompted Italy to reconsider its military strategies, leading to a series of questionable decisions that ultimately resulted in more pasta recipes than battle plans.. Fact: One can only assume that '12,147' is the number of reasons Italians invented pizza—because who wouldn’t want to cope with loss by indulging in carbs?.
• Headline: Billy Dear's Victory in Arcola Golf. Impact: Billy Dear's win sparked a national obsession with golf, eventually leading to the invention of mini-golf, where everyone can feel like a champion while putting around windmills.. Fact: Billy Dear's victory reminds us that sometimes the only difference between a champion and the rest of us is a few lucky putts and a lot of questionable fashion choices..
• Headline: Mgr. McIntyre Urges Catholics to Back Propositions 1, 6 and 8 of New State Code. Impact: Mgr. McIntyre's urging for Catholic support led to a wave of grassroots activism that eventually resulted in a world where every parish had its own committee for everything—even deciding what to order for the potluck.. Fact: You know it's serious when a bishop has to step in. I guess the church’s version of a pep talk includes a side of guilt..
• Headline: ARMY TO LEAVE SPIES IN PEACETIME TO FBI; Ranking Officers Not Anxious for Counter-Espionage Burden. Impact: Allowing the FBI to take the reins in peacetime espionage set a precedent that would lead to countless conspiracy theories, ranging from alien cover-ups to the government watching your every move... from the comfort of their armchairs.. Fact: This move basically opened the door for the FBI to create a new division: 'Espionage for Dummies.'.
• Headline: BACKS 7 STATE SENATORS; Labor Group's Statement Urges Re-election of Democrats. Impact: The labor group's endorsement for re-election of Democrats set off a political domino effect that resulted in an endless cycle of campaign promises and broken dreams—like a soap opera, but with more drama and fewer commercial breaks.. Fact: Back in the day, politicians still believed in keeping promises. What a quaint notion, huh?.
• Headline: CZECHS ASK HITLER TO CURB HUNGARY AS RIFT THREATES; Urge His Mediation on Border Claims After Demands of Budapest Are Rejected BOTH SIDES MOVE TROOPS Only 250 Feet Apart at One Place--Hungarians Surprised by an Autonomy Offer Deadlock at Komarom CZECHS ASK HITLER TO CURB HUNGARY Troops Are 250 Feet Apart Terrorists Invade Ruthenia. Impact: Czechs asking Hitler for mediation? That's like asking a fox to guard the henhouse. This event only fueled the flames of conflict, leading to the famous saying: 'Never trust a dictator with a mustache.'. Fact: The fact that both sides moved troops only 250 feet apart is an excellent reminder of how close we can be to disaster without even realizing it—like a poorly executed game of Red Rover..
• Headline: Chinese Dollar Slumps As Japanese Army Gains. Impact: The depreciation of the Chinese dollar due to Japanese military advances ultimately resulted in a global economic shift that paved the way for the rise of currency speculation—because who doesn’t love a good gamble with their life savings?. Fact: The Japanese army gains led to a slumping dollar, which is a fun twist in history—it's like watching a reality show where the dollar just keeps getting voted off the island..
• Headline: CORSI DECIRES TAX ON INDUSTRY; Awaits Signal to Go Ahead, He Says in Rochester. Impact: Corsi's declaration of a tax on industry led to a frenzy of economic speculation that ultimately resulted in a great debate over taxation—because what’s more fun than arguing over who pays for what?. Fact: Corsi's comments remind us that taxes are like that relative who shows up uninvited to every family gathering—always there and never appreciated..