OCTOBER 11, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Iron Railings Repurposed for Nazi War Efforts. Impact: The theft of iron railings led to a nationwide shortage of garden decor, leaving citizens with nothing but their overgrown hedges and existential dread. This, in turn, inspired a movement towards minimalism, which later fueled a 21st-century obsession with tiny homes and decluttering. All thanks to some railings.. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate timeline, those railings were transformed into avant-garde sculptures celebrated in contemporary art galleries? Talk about a missed opportunity!.
• Headline: Cubans Commemorate Spanish War Anniversary. Impact: The commemoration of the war anniversary sparked a renewed interest in history, leading to an explosion of documentaries, and ultimately, the rise of 'War History Buffs' who can’t stop lecturing you at parties. You're welcome.. Fact: It’s ironic that while they were marking a war anniversary, they probably forgot to mark the anniversary of the last time they went outside..
• Headline: WILL REPLY TO HITLER; Winston Churchill to Be Heard Over NBC Radio Network. Impact: Winston Churchill's radio response changed the landscape of political communication forever. Suddenly, leaders realized they could not only talk at people but also talk to them—revolutionary! Who knew that a little radio could change the world?. Fact: Imagine if Churchill had just sent a tweet instead. #ReplyToHitler could have gone viral in seconds. History would have been so much more entertaining..
• Headline: Mrs. Bolles Held Incompetent. Impact: Mrs. Bolles' incompetence ruling led to the establishment of stricter checks on estate managements, impacting how families manage their legacies for generations. It’s a wonder how one woman's inability to manage her estate could lead to the rise of estate planning lawyers.. Fact: Incompetent? More like 'uninterested.' Some people just don’t have the time for all that paperwork when there's gardening to do!.
• Headline: Hunter Girl to Get $100 Prize. Impact: B.M. Lazar winning that essay prize inspired a generation of kids to believe they could write their way to success. In a bizarre twist, it also led to the rise of online influencers who write about literally nothing and get paid for it. Talk about a literary legacy.. Fact: Winning a $100 prize back then was basically like winning the lottery. Now kids are like, 'A hundred bucks? I made that in three TikToks!'.
• Headline: NATIONALISM BARS PEACE, SAYRE FINDS; Hull Aide Says Economic Barriers Must Be Broken. Impact: Sayre’s comments about nationalism led to a series of global discussions about trade barriers that eventually resulted in the creation of free trade agreements. Who would’ve thought that a meeting of women’s clubs would help shape international relations?. Fact: If only the Fed of Women's Clubs had also tackled world peace. We might have saved a lot of time and avoided a few awkward family dinners discussing politics..
• Headline: VOTE BOND-ISSUE PLAN; Stockholders of Superior Steel for Debt Refunding Plan. Impact: The vote on the bond-issue plan not only saved Superior Steel from financial ruin but also sparked a decade of financial innovations, leading to the rise of hedge funds and questionable investment strategies. Thank you, bond issues, for our current economic chaos.. Fact: Bond issues: the adult version of asking your friends to lend you money for a 'really good idea.' Spoiler alert: it rarely is..