OCTOBER 3, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Robt B. Wilson vs. Denham Case. Impact: The Denham-Wilson case caused a legal precedent that spiraled through time, leading to future lawyers arguing over who legally owns the last slice of pizza. Yes, everyone is now a pizza lawyer.. Fact: The first legal dispute over pizza was settled in 1985, proving that even the law can't resist a cheesy slice..
• Headline: Scientists Initiate Unbiased Liquor Study. Impact: This unbiased study on drinking led to the invention of the 'Hangover Cure' industry, which now generates billions. Thanks to scientists, you can now pay for your regrets with fancy drinks!. Fact: The first hangover cure was a glass of pickle juice. So, the next time you feel terrible, just remember: it could be worse..
• Headline: Kahn-Arnold Partnership Established. Impact: The Kahn-Arnold case set off a chain reaction that resulted in the invention of 'Kahn's Law,' which humorously states that every argument can eventually be resolved by a good cup of coffee—or a solid bribe.. Fact: Kahn's Law has only been disproven by people who don't drink coffee. They tend to argue more..
• Headline: QUEENS DEDICATES SQUARE TO VETERANS; 1,000 March to Corona Site, Where Boulder Is Unveiled. Impact: The dedication of the veterans' square sparked a movement that encouraged cities worldwide to dedicate everything from parks to public restrooms to veterans. Because nothing says 'thank you' like a toilet with a plaque.. Fact: The first dedicated restroom for veterans was unveiled in 1989—talk about a 'flush' of patriotism!.
• Headline: $30 THURSDAYS" RECEDE. Impact: The retreat of ‘$30 Thursdays’ led to a surge in people reminiscing about simpler times when their wallets weren't as empty. It also sparked a wave of conspiracy theories about the true cost of happiness.. Fact: In 1920, you could get a five-course meal for 30 cents. Now, that amount barely buys you a coffee. Progress?.
• Headline: LUCILLE MELCHIOR WED; Rahway Girl Becomes the Bride of Edward Hoffman. Impact: Lucille Melchior's wedding was the catalyst for a new trend in extravagant weddings, forever leading to brides arguing over who had the biggest cake at the reception. Spoiler: It's never the cake that matters.. Fact: The average wedding cake in the U.S. weighs more than a small car. Try to get that through the door!.
• Headline: Five Children Die in Flames Razing Home; Father, Fatally Burned, Drives 3 for Help. Impact: The tragic fire that killed five children led to stricter fire safety laws, which ironically sparked a series of sitcoms that made light of safety measures. Because nothing says 'safety first' like a laugh track!. Fact: The first fire safety laws were introduced in 1736 after a series of deadly fires. People really needed a wake-up call..
• Headline: Man Lost Off Ferryboat. Impact: The lost man off the ferryboat inspired a slew of horror films about ferry rides, leading to the popular saying, 'Don't look over the edge!' which ironically, made people look over the edge more frequently.. Fact: Ferries are often cited in urban legends. Just remember, the scariest part of a ferry ride is the price of the tickets!.
• Headline: CORNERSTONE LAID FOR NEW HOSPITAL; Structure Near Home for Aged Will Cost $145,000. Impact: The laying of the cornerstone for the new hospital became the event that inspired countless 'cornerstone' jokes in the medical community, leading to a new genre of doctor humor that still haunts us today.. Fact: The first hospital ever built in ancient Egypt was approximately 3,500 years ago. And yes, they still had patients complaining about the waiting time..
• Headline: MARSHALL AVERESCU OF RUMANIA IS DEAD; Head of His Country's Army During War With Bulgaria and World Conflict WAS PREMIER THREE TIMES A Leader in Move for Carol's Return to Throne, He Later Was Critic of the King. Impact: The death of Marshall Averescu led to a power vacuum that forever altered the political landscape of Rumania, ultimately resulting in a reality TV show based on 'who gets to be king.' Welcome to the modern monarchy!. Fact: Averescu was known for his charming personality, which is ironic considering the last monarch's idea of charm involved a lot of royal decrees and very little fun..