SEPTEMBER 28, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shamrock Owners Exit; New Leadership Arrives. Impact: The takeover by Zapustas led to an unexpected career shift for Boston sports fans, who, realizing they couldn't cheer for their team anymore, decided to switch to competitive knitting as their new hobby. Look out, world championships—here come the knitters!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more turbulent than a Boston sports franchise is the weather? At least the weather won’t leave you heartbroken.
• Headline: Ching Johnson Named Manager. Impact: Ching Johnson's appointment set off a chain reaction that led to the establishment of a secret society of sports managers who communicated solely through coded messages hidden in sports statistics. The world of management would never be the same!. Fact: Did you know that 'Ching' is actually short for 'Ching-a-ling'? Just kidding! It’s actually short for 'Ching-ching'—because that’s what you hear when he makes a big play!.
• Headline: MISS JAMESON IN FRONT; Shoots 72 and Captures Medal in Berthellyn Cup Golf. Impact: Miss Jameson's victory spawned a nationwide obsession with golf, leading to the rise of golf-inspired fashion. Soon, everyone was sporting plaid shorts and visors, regardless of whether or not they had ever held a club. The fashion police still haven’t recovered. Fact: Did you know that shooting a 72 in golf is considered good? Shooting a 72 in a horror movie, however, is a sure sign that you’re about to get axed!.
• Headline: PEACE MOBILIZATION IS URGED ON MAYOR; La Guardia Asked to Proclaim Silent Period on Friday. Impact: The push for peace mobilization led to a nationwide initiative encouraging citizens to practice silence. Sadly, this resulted in the world's first Whisper Olympics, where competitors tried to out-silent each other—an event that ultimately went unheard. Fact: Did you know that La Guardia was not just a mayor but also an early advocate for quiet time? Because nothing says 'peace' like a mandatory silence that no one actually wants to observe!.
• Headline: ITALIANS CAN HINDER FRANCE WITHOUT WAR; Able to Immobilize Troops at the Border Till Stand Is Sure. Impact: The Italians' ability to hinder France without going to war led to the invention of the 'Stare Down' as a legitimate military strategy. It became a global sensation, and countries began to hold international stare-down competitions instead of actual conflicts. Who needs guns when you've got a good glare?. Fact: Did you know that Italians have a long history of making peace with pastries? Because nothing says 'I’ll spare you' like a well-timed cannoli!.
• Headline: FRONTIER FARMERS BARRED FROM LANDS; Conscripted German Laborers Escape Into France. Impact: The barring of farmers led to a black market for farm land that included everything from secret crop swaps to underground tractor races. It became a full-blown agricultural crime scene, with farmers becoming the new mobsters of the countryside. Fact: Did you know that when farmers escape into France, they usually take their vegetables with them? Because who wouldn’t want to make a salad while on the run?.