SEPTEMBER 15, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Connecticut Democrats Nominate Leaders in 1938. Impact: This convention led to a never-ending debate about what 'harmony' really means in politics, eventually inspiring a bizarre Broadway musical titled 'Harmony: The Musical.' Spoiler alert: it flopped spectacularly.. Fact: Did you know that 'letting the dead past bury its dead' is actually a euphemism for 'please stop talking about my last campaign'?.
• Headline: French Educator Returns to France. Impact: The departure of this French educator ultimately resulted in the decline of French existentialism in American classrooms, leading to a generation that thought 'Camus' was just a fancy coffee drink.. Fact: Fun fact: The last French educator to leave New York City was actually just trying to escape a bad bagel..
• Headline: Travel Cancellations Amid European Tensions. Impact: This mass return led to an unexpected rise in American pizza chains in Europe, confusing the locals who thought 'pepperoni' was a type of Italian opera.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'informally told' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're not sending a postcard this time'?.
• Headline: Lady Furness Sails for Home. Impact: Her return home sparked a trend of aristocrats sailing back to England, which eventually caused a shortage of tea in Boston Harbor. The revolution was teetering on the brink again!. Fact: Fun fact: Lady Furness's homecoming was celebrated by a parade of corgis and a single confused cat..
• Headline: LANDIS CALLS MEETING; Plans for World Series Will Be Made Here Tomorrow. Impact: Landis's meeting led to the establishment of a secret society of baseball enthusiasts who believed they could influence the outcome of games using psychic octopuses.. Fact: Did you know that the World Series was originally just an elaborate excuse for people to eat peanuts and drink beer in public?.
• Headline: O'CONNOR URGES REBUKE TO PURGE; Holds It Is Third Roosevelt Attempt to Bring About a Dictatorship FAY SAYS RIVAL AIDS RICH Attacks Him as a 'Republican Masquerading as Democrat,' Ignoring the Poor Questions Roosevelt Power Denounces the "Purge" Attacks O'Connor Record. Impact: This political drama set the stage for decades of conspiracy theories about Roosevelt being a time-traveling lizard person, still discussed in basement forums to this day.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'purge' in politics has been replaced by 'aggressively reorganizing the snack table.'.
• Headline: IRON WORKS LACK COAL; Plants at Monterrey, Mexico, Are Hit by Mine Strike. Impact: The coal shortage led to a strange trend of inventing 'coal-less' iron, which was just iron with a lot of wishful thinking. It was a disaster, but at least it was light!. Fact: Did you know that when iron works lack coal, workers often resort to motivational speeches about 'getting fired up'—which, ironically, doesn’t help at all?.
• Headline: Another Policeman Ousted. Impact: This dismissal inadvertently led to a nationwide search for the last honest cop, which turned into a reality show that ran for five seasons and was just as disappointing as it sounds.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'another one bites the dust' was actually coined during these police oustings, but no one liked to admit it..
• Headline: ECUADOR TO GET AIR LINE; Service to Reich in Six Days Is Promised by German Firm. Impact: The establishment of this air line inadvertently inspired a bunch of overly ambitious travel bloggers to declare 'Ecuador is the new Paris,' leading to a sharp decline in French tourism.. Fact: Did you know that air travel in the 1930s involved more paperwork than a tax audit? No wonder people are still confused about how to pack a suitcase!.
• Headline: UNION TERMINALS FOR TRUCKS URGED; Cooperation of I.C. C. Asked by Shippers to Ease Problems in the Large Cities. Impact: This plea for cooperation started a series of meetings that led to the creation of the world's first trucker-themed reality show, which featured a lot of shouting and not enough roadmaps.. Fact: Fun fact: The I.C.C. once stood for 'I Can't Cooperate' before they realized it didn't inspire much confidence..