SEPTEMBER 13, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ickes Assumes Control of Alaska Colony. Impact: Ickes taking control of the Alaska colony inadvertently sparked a decades-long debate on whether Alaskans should have their own reality show, thus leading to the eventual creation of 'Alaska: The Last Frontier'.. Fact: Did you know that Ickes is not just a name but also sounds like a sneeze? 'Ickes! Bless you!'.
• Headline: Mistrial Declared in High-Profile Case. Impact: Pecora's mistrial ruling not only irked Dewey but also brought about the invention of the phrase 'trial by media', leading to countless reality TV shows and social media rants in the future.. Fact: Did you know that irking someone is a true art form? It’s a skill perfected over centuries, much like sarcasm!.
• Headline: RELIEF FELT IN WARSAW; Poles Gratified That Hitler Made No New Demands. Impact: The relief in Warsaw over Hitler’s inaction led to a false sense of security, which unfortunately resulted in a massive spike in the popularity of indoor gardening. Because, you know, who needs outdoor drama?. Fact: Did you know that Hitler's demands were like bad one-liners? They just kept coming, and nobody wanted to hear them!.
• Headline: Crowd in Street Cheers Hines, Boos Dewey as He Quits Court; Tries to Raise the Tammany Leader to Willing Shoulders--Prosecutor Smiles When Greeted With Derision Crowd Breaks Police Lines Speaks with Deliberation Notables Among Spectators. Impact: The crowd's reaction to Hines and Dewey set a precedent for political rallies, where booing and cheering became a national pastime. This eventually led to the invention of the 'political karaoke night'.. Fact: Did you know that political protests could double as spectator sports? I mean, who doesn’t love a good boo?.
• Headline: ALOOF IN AUSTRALIA TIE-UP; Cabinet Refuses to Intervene in Coal $trike of 20,000. Impact: The Australian Cabinet’s refusal to intervene in the coal strike paved the way for a future where Australians would become experts in avoiding labor disputes altogether, leading to the world’s first 'strike-free' zone.. Fact: Did you know that refusing to intervene is just a fancy way of saying, 'I'm not getting involved in that mess'?.
• Headline: PARIS SEES RESPITE IN HITLER'S SPEECH; Holds Annexation of Sudeten Area of -Czechoslovakia Is Clearly Reich's Aim CABINET TO MEET TODAYI Further Defensive Moves Will Be Considered-Crowds on Streets Show ,Tension Annexation Demand Seen Marseilles Strike Settled To Consider Greater Defense. Impact: The misinterpretation of Hitler’s speech in Paris prompted a surge in French pastry sales, as everyone believed that butter croissants could ward off tyranny. Spoiler alert: they didn't.. Fact: Did you know that pastries and politics have a lot in common? They both get really messy and can leave you feeling bloated!.
• Headline: M'DONALD BUYS $5,000,000 REALTY; Gets 'Substantial Control' in that H. L. Doherty Properties in Mr Florida and Bahamas SIX HOTELS IN THE DEAL Financier Also Obtains Part Control of 130-Acre Tract and Beach and Golf Clubs. Impact: M'Donald’s real estate acquisition in Florida and the Bahamas set off a chain reaction of wealthy people thinking they could also become real estate moguls, leading to a nationwide obsession with 'flipping homes' and reality TV shows about it.. Fact: Did you know that spending $5 million on realty is just a casual Tuesday for some? The rest of us are still figuring out how to afford rent!.
• Headline: Session of Peace Prayer Is Led by General Booth. Impact: General Booth’s peace prayer session became the catalyst for the widespread practice of yoga and mindfulness, with future generations believing that chanting could solve all conflicts - including family disputes over Thanksgiving dinner.. Fact: Did you know that prayer sessions were the original group therapy before it became trendy? Who needs a couch when you have a pew?.
• Headline: PRINCIPAL HELD IN THEFTS; Collingswood, N. J., School Man Surrenders for Trial. Impact: The thefts involving the high school principal led to an increase in school security measures, inadvertently creating a booming market for surveillance cameras and the phrase 'trust but verify' among parents.. Fact: Did you know that embezzlement by school principals is like finding a unicorn in the education system? Rare, but when it happens, it's a big deal!.