SEPTEMBER 8, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Alliance Abandons $50,000 Fund Plan. Impact: By dropping the $50,000 fund plan, the Workers Alliance inadvertently shifted the political landscape, leading to the rise of candidates who would later run campaigns fueled by TikTok dances instead of actual policies. Thanks for that!. Fact: Did you know that 'Friends of Relief' sounds like a support group for bad sitcoms? Maybe they should have just gone with 'The Friends Who Need a Job' instead..
• Headline: Connecticut's Dynamic 1938 Campaign. Impact: Connecticut's lively campaign set a precedent for every political season since, establishing that shouting matches and mudslinging are the foundations of democracy. Future generations are still reeling from that realization!. Fact: Did you know that the New Deal was originally just a really ambitious bingo game? People keep bringing it up as if it’s a serious topic!.
• Headline: C. I. O. Union Urges Third Term. Impact: The C.I.O. Union's push for a third term for FDR set off a chain reaction, leading to future politicians thinking they can just keep running forever. Welcome to the age of perpetual campaigns, folks!. Fact: Did you know that asking for a third term is like asking for a third slice of cake? It sounds great until you realize there's no room left for anything else..
• Headline: HENLEIN GOES HOME; He Leaves Nuremberg Suddenly Following Talk With Hitlerr FUEHRER LOOKS TO BRITAIN Turns to Direct Parleys--Says He Hopes No Mother Need Weep Because of Him Hitler Receives Envoys Minor Leaders Aroused GERMAN ATTITUDE REPORTED STIFFER Turns to Parleys With Britain. Impact: Henlein's sudden departure from Nuremberg may have been the catalyst for the 'what if' scenarios that plague conspiracy theorists to this day. If only he had stayed, we might have avoided a few world wars!. Fact: Did you know that Hitler’s hopes for peace were about as reliable as a weather forecast in a Disney movie? Spoiler: it didn’t end well..
• Headline: JAI ALAI STARTS TONIGHT; Fast Sport Will Be Introduced at the Hippodrome. Impact: The introduction of Jai Alai led to a minor obsession with fast-paced sports, eventually inspiring the modern-day phenomenon known as professional cornhole. Yes, that's right, we went from thrilling pelota to tossing bean bags.. Fact: Did you know that Jai Alai was once referred to as the 'fastest sport on Earth'? Now it’s just another excuse to drink overpriced cocktails in fancy venues..
• Headline: Anonymous Informer Offers New Clue To Murder of Martin, Schultz's Aide. Impact: The anonymous informer's clue in the murder case sparked a long-standing tradition of true crime podcasts, leading to an entire industry built around speculation and dramatic retellings. Thanks for the side hustle, mystery!. Fact: Did you know that the anonymity of informants is so secure that even the informants themselves can forget what they were snitching about? It's like the perfect game of telephone gone wrong..
• Headline: CITY JOB FRAUDS CHARGED BY KERN; He Asks Dewey to Prosecute 2 'Flagrant' Cases in Which Substitution Was Used SAYS PRECAUTIONS FAIL Practice Continues Depite Fingerprinting and Other Safeguards, He Asserts. Impact: Kern's call for prosecution of city job frauds ignited a wave of accountability that ultimately led to the invention of the 'job application lie detector,' which is still in prototype phase (and heavily debated).. Fact: Did you know that city job fraud is like a game of musical chairs, except when the music stops, nobody wins? Just a bunch of angry people left standing..
• Headline: INSURGENTS RENEW DRIVE ON VALENCIA; Attack Near Viver After Being Stalled Month and Half--Loyalisis Bombard Them REBELS ACTIVE ON EBRO Report Lessening of Pressure on Gandesa, but Foe Tells of Hurling Them Back Report Rebels Driven Back RESUME VALENCIA PUSH. Impact: The insurgents' renewed drive on Valencia inadvertently inspired countless future rebellion-themed video games, leading to an entire industry of virtual activists. Who knew history could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that the Spanish Civil War has more dramatic plot twists than most soap operas? Tune in next week for more betrayal and intrigue—no cliffhanger left unturned!.