AUGUST 28, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Loan Bank Conference in Washington D.C.. Impact: If those loan bank officials had just decided to meet at a coffee shop instead of Washington, we might have seen a rise in barista-led economic policies. Just imagine a latte-fueled financial system!. Fact: In the 1930s, you could get a home loan with a handshake and a promise. Now, good luck getting a mortgage without selling your soul!.
• Headline: Jamaica Man Convicted in Race Fixing Scandal. Impact: This race-fixing scandal sent shockwaves through the betting community. The ripple effect? A sudden increase in underground racing, leading to the invention of the 'secretive squirrel' betting club.. Fact: Race fixing has been around since the Romans, proving that when it comes to unethical gambling, humans are nothing if not consistent!.
• Headline: Wallace Advocates for Global Farm Pact. Impact: Wallace's proposals led to an unexpected boom in global agriculture. Who knew that a bunch of experts could set off a worldwide obsession with organic kale?. Fact: The term 'world farm pact' sounds like it could either save the planet or make it a giant farmers' market. Spoiler: It was more like the latter!.
• Headline: NEWS FROM EUROPE BUOYS THE DOLLAR; $10,250,000 Gold Engaged in England for Shipment Here. Impact: The dollar's buoyancy after this gold shipment might have led to a gold rush of investment in ridiculously overpriced avocado toast. Who knew avocados would become the new gold?. Fact: Gold was once used as currency, but now it just sits in vaults while people pay $10 for a slice of toast topped with it!.
• Headline: At Mt. Vernon. Impact: This shipment to Mt. Vernon might have unintentionally set off a trend of historical reenactments gone terribly wrong, with people fighting over who gets to dress like George Washington.. Fact: Mt. Vernon is basically the original tourist trap—just substitute the overpriced souvenirs with wooden teeth and powdered wigs!.
• Headline: BRONX BOARD SEEKS SIGN LEGISLATION; Asks Slight Projection Beyond Building Line. Impact: The Bronx board seeking sign legislation could have sparked a series of events leading to the creation of the world's most confusing street signs, causing mass confusion and a spike in GPS sales.. Fact: Street signs have been a point of contention since the dawn of civilization, proving that nothing says 'progress' like arguing over a piece of metal!.
• Headline: Safety First. Impact: The 'Safety First' movement likely led to an overabundance of warning labels on everything, resulting in a generation that’s afraid of simple tasks like opening a bag of chips.. Fact: Safety First is great, but have you ever tried to read the warning label on a hairdryer? You might need a thesaurus to decode it!.
• Headline: A.F.L. OPENS DOOR TO UNIONS IN C.I.O.; Green Invites 'Disillusioned' Groups to Return to Fold With Autonomy Guarantee. Impact: A.F.L. opening the door to unions in C.I.O. might have inadvertently laid the groundwork for all the workplace drama that would follow, complete with coffee breaks and passive-aggressive post-it notes.. Fact: Unions have been around since the early days of labor, proving that if there’s one thing workers love, it’s getting together to complain about their bosses!.