AUGUST 21, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ohio Security Board Investigates Pension Issues. Impact: If only Aged Pensioners had a time machine to go back and vote differently. The ripple effects of this inquiry might have led to a world where politicians prioritize the elderly over themselves. Oh, wait—never mind.. Fact: Did you know that A.J. Altmeyer once suggested that the best way to treat old folks is to put them in a room with all the politicians and see who lasts longer?.
• Headline: Cossack Singers Injured in 1938 Accident. Impact: Imagine if those Cossack singers had a successful bus trip. They might have inspired a musical revolution! Instead, they just made bus companies rethink their safety protocols. Thanks a lot, guys.. Fact: Did you know that singing in a bus is a great way to annoy the driver? But possibly not the best way to avoid a crash..
• Headline: Revolutionizing Housing with Mass Production. Impact: Mass production of houses could have led to a world of cookie-cutter neighborhoods where creativity goes to die. But hey, at least they’re cheap, right? Just like the memories made in them.. Fact: Did you know that the average home price in 2023 is just a tad higher than $1,050? Just a tad..
• Headline: FHA INSURES LOAN ON BROOKLYN HOUSES; Five Buildings in Rental Project for Ocean Avenue Site. Impact: Insuring loans on Brooklyn houses could have created a housing bubble that popped loudly in the faces of unsuspecting buyers. Spoiler alert: it did.. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn is now the hipster capital of the universe? Good luck finding an affordable house there now!.
• Headline: SHOWER APPLIANCES; Valve Type Equalizes Hot and Cold Water Pressure. Impact: The invention of the pressure-controlled valve could have led to a world where everyone has perfectly balanced showers. Instead, we still step into the shower and play 'guess the temperature.'. Fact: Did you know that showering with uneven water pressure is a rite of passage for many? Nothing like a cold blast to wake you up!.
• Headline: Warding Off Termites. Impact: Warding off termites could have saved countless homes from destruction, leading to a world full of happy homeowners. Instead, many just call pest control and hope for the best.. Fact: Did you know that termites can eat through wood faster than you can say 'I should have called an exterminator'?.
• Headline: MEANY DENOUNCES A. L. P.; He Says Party Is Run, Not for Labor, but for C. I. O. Leaders. Impact: Meany’s denunciation of the A.L.P. could have sparked a labor revolution, or at least a really heated debate in a smoky backroom somewhere. Instead, it probably just made a lot of people roll their eyes.. Fact: Did you know that labor unions have enough drama to be a soap opera? Tune in next week for more backstabbing!.
• Headline: Texas Business Man Prevails on Mexico To Remove Hostile Sign Near U. S. Border. Impact: Removing a hostile sign near the U.S. border could have led to world peace—or at least a quieter border crossing. Instead, it just made everyone question what constitutes a 'hostile' sign.. Fact: Did you know that many signs are just misunderstood? Give them a chance to explain themselves before jumping to conclusions!.
• Headline: CITES HOME ECONOMIES; Grouped Plumbing Conveniences Are Pointed Out. Impact: Citing home economies might have led to a new era of DIY enthusiasts who could build their own soundproof homes. Instead, we have a million Pinterest fails and one too many home improvement shows.. Fact: Did you know that cork tile is actually not a good substitute for a soundproof wall? But it does make for a very interesting conversation starter!.