AUGUST 11, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Newark's Overexpenditure Scandal Unveiled. Impact: If Newark hadn't overspent, maybe they could've funded a time machine instead of sending data to the prosecutor. Just think, time travel could have been invented in Jersey instead of the lab somewhere in the Midwest!. Fact: Jersey's over-expenditure is just a warm-up act for the grand fiscal mismanagement performances that would later define entire decades..
• Headline: Vienna's Traffic Crisis in May 1938. Impact: The tragic accidents in Vienna likely sparked a worldwide obsession with traffic safety, leading to the creation of bizarre traffic laws that still baffle drivers today. Thanks, Vienna!. Fact: If you thought the traffic in your city was bad, just remember, it could be worse—like Vienna in May 1934, where the death toll was a reminder that cars were still figuring out how not to kill their drivers..
• Headline: Lotte Lehmann's Journey to U.S. Citizenship. Impact: Lotte Lehmann's arrival in the U.S. opened the floodgates for European artists escaping turmoil, inadvertently leading to the U.S. becoming the go-to destination for anyone with a penchant for dramatic exits. Talk about a trendsetter!. Fact: Lotte's autobiography probably includes a chapter titled 'How to Escape a Country and Still Make it Big in America.'.
• Headline: LEGION DROPS ROW OVER GERSON'S JOB; But Cross Denounces Isaacs in Report to State Session on 'Red' Appointment Technical Ground" Ignored LEGION DROPS ROW OVER GERSON'S JOB Fun-Makers at Work Again Mayor Silent on Attack. Impact: The Legion's drama over Gerson's job might have led to a centuries-long tradition of bureaucratic squabbling, ensuring that nothing ever gets done without at least three meetings and a dozen reports.. Fact: Who knew that a disagreement at a dinner could set the stage for the world's most elaborate game of hot potato?.
• Headline: Miss Mildred S. Childress Cole ls Married To Samuel Stanhope Labouisse in Chapel. Impact: Mildred's marriage could be seen as the spark that ignited the Great American Love Story, leading to an endless supply of rom-coms and reality shows about people trying to find 'the one' in the most absurd ways possible.. Fact: Wedding bells ring louder than any alarm bell for impending doom when it comes to couples who think marriage is just a long-term sleepover..
• Headline: REBELS PUSH AHEAD ON ALMADEN FRONT; Advance Within 25 Miles of Mines-Claim Loyalists' Segre Army Is Crushed Segre Army Held Crushed REBELS PUSH AHEAD ON ALMADEN FRONT Drive Seen Progressing Flood Gates Opened. Impact: The rebels' advance on the Almaden front likely encouraged future generations to believe that fighting for something—anything—could lead to success, even if it meant a lot of people get hurt along the way.. Fact: When armies clash, you can always count on someone to ask the League of Nations to intervene, because nothing says 'we're losing' quite like calling for backup..
• Headline: 200 AWARDS GIVEN AT GLADIOLUS SHOW; 100 Competitive Classes in the Exhibit Held Here by the Metropolitan Society SWEEPSTAKES RACE CLOSE Homer F. de Groot Takes Prize-New Seedlings Presented in a Special Section Awards in Various Classes. Impact: The Gladiolus Show's competitive spirit likely inspired future generations to create even more ridiculous competitions, like the annual ‘Best Lawn Gnome’ contest, thus ensuring that no flower goes unappreciated.. Fact: 100 competitive classes at a flower show is basically the horticultural equivalent of the Olympics—minus the sweat, tears, and international scandals..
• Headline: DUNN DEFENDS ACTS IN TVA-BERRY CASE; Counsel at Inquiry Denies Shielding Any One or Holding Up Evidence WOLVERTON, BIDDLE CLASH Battle Over Calling Notary Who Handled Most of the 241 Marble Leases Made Deal Before Election Demands Full Inquiry. Impact: Dunn's defense in the TVA-Berry case probably set a precedent for legal theatrics that would ensure courtroom dramas are always more entertaining than the actual trials.. Fact: If courtroom drama were a sport, Dunn would be the MVP, dodging inquiries like they're just pesky little flies buzzing around his head..
• Headline: EXHIBITIONS OF ART AT EAST HAMPTON; Mrs. Harry Payne Whitney Has Display of Sculpture. Impact: The art exhibitions in East Hampton may have inadvertently paved the way for the modern art scene, leading to people scratching their heads and asking if they could do the same with a few paint splatters.. Fact: Art exhibits have become a haven for the wealthy to pretend they understand what 'abstract' really means while sipping overpriced wine..