AUGUST 1, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Salt Lake Bishop Appeals for New York Support. Impact: This humble request for aid spiraled into a nationwide trend of bishops sending out emotional pleas, leading to the birth of the modern-day crowdfunding campaign. Who knew a bishop's hat could also double as a fundraiser?. Fact: Did you know that bishops have been asking for help since the days of Noah? Apparently, it’s the original 'please send money' letter, just with fewer typos..
• Headline: Iowa's Showdown: Governor vs. NLRB. Impact: This bold move by Governor Kraschel set off a chain reaction leading to the creation of countless 'battle of the states' reality TV shows where governors compete for the title of 'Most Dramatic Power Play'.. Fact: Did you know that this ban was basically the political equivalent of saying 'I don’t want to play with you'? The NLRB probably just wanted to play Monopoly, but Iowa said 'no thanks'..
• Headline: LOIS LONG MARRIED; Writer becomes the Bride of Donaldson B. Thorburn. Impact: This union led to the historic trend of writers marrying rich people to fund their artistic endeavors, resulting in the invention of the term 'sugar daddy'—an essential part of modern romance.. Fact: Did you know that Lois Long’s wedding probably inspired countless rom-coms where the writer marries the perfect guy, only to realize he’s just a plot device?.
• Headline: 7 Are Seized in Gambling Raid In Wealthy Long Island Colony; 50 Men and Women Patrons in Evening Dress Are Found in Lakeville Manor Section--Chips of $1,000 Denomination Taken SEVEN ARE SEIZED IN A GAMBLING RAID Intricate Alarm System. Impact: This raid not only disrupted the glamorous lives of the elite but also sparked the creation of underground poker leagues that continue to thrive in basements and backrooms worldwide, proving that you can't keep a good game down.. Fact: Did you know that the chips involved were worth more than the average car? Talk about high stakes—who knew Monopoly could be so lavish?.
• Headline: BRITISH RETAIL SALES GAIN; Total in May and June Up 1.1% From Year Before. Impact: This minor uptick in retail sales caused a nationwide celebration that eventually led to the invention of the British 'Retail Gains Day', where everyone just buys another teapot because, why not?. Fact: Did you know that a 1.1% increase in retail sales is basically British for 'we’re still not quite broke'? They must be saving up for more scones..
• Headline: Army, Seeks 450 Recruits. Impact: This recruitment drive led to an unexpected surge in 'Army Dad' memes and the rise of military-themed reality shows, proving that people love watching others get yelled at in uniform.. Fact: Did you know that the Army’s idea of recruiting is basically just a really intense version of a college pep rally? Free snacks included, if you make it through boot camp..
• Headline: Santa Barbara Women Win. Impact: This victory sparked a trend of women’s sports teams winning, which inevitably led to the rise of 'Girl Power' and a hundred different slogans that, ironically, mostly men still wear on t-shirts.. Fact: Did you know that Santa Barbara women winning was the original 'girl boss' moment? Spoiler alert: they didn’t need a boss to win..
• Headline: Barnes Vanquishes Perry. Impact: This epic showdown became legendary, leading to an annual tennis match that people now refer to as 'The Clash of the Titans'—only with more sweat and less actual titans.. Fact: Did you know that Barnes’s victory was so dramatic it inspired a whole new genre of sports commentary? Just imagine the play-by-play: 'And he swings, he scores, and Perry can only look on in despair!'.
• Headline: CAPITALISTS FOUND INACTIVE IN FRANCE; Signs of Recovery in Country Are Held Insufficient to Induce Reinvestment ONLY TEXTILES IMPROVED Change Soon Is Not Expected Because of Shut-Downs for Employes' Vacations. Impact: This inactivity became the catalyst for a million memes about French productivity levels, thus solidifying the stereotype that the French prefer leisurely strolls over economic engagement.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing moving faster than the French economy at this time was a leisurely baguette? Slow and steady may win the race, but it sure doesn’t win the bank!.