JULY 30, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Significant Decline in Store Sales. Impact: As store sales fell, so did the public's faith in retail therapy, leading to a nationwide obsession with online shopping—who knew a 12% drop was just the nudge we needed to embrace the joys of pajamas and home delivery?. Fact: This drop was so shocking that many retail therapists had to find new careers; apparently, ‘shopping shoulder therapy’ didn’t hold up in the long run..
• Headline: Wins NBC Scholarship. Impact: Winning that NBC scholarship likely set off a series of events that would eventually lead to reality TV talent shows. Who knew that one music camp award would pave the way for more Kardashians?. Fact: You could say this scholarship was the original American Idol, minus the singing, the fame, and, well, the actual idolization..
• Headline: On Finance Concern's Board. Impact: The election of F Meissner and V Cullen to the finance board likely led to a series of questionable financial decisions that would make anyone wonder if they were just playing Monopoly with real money.. Fact: At least they weren't voted in via a game of rock-paper-scissors, which would have been a far more entertaining way to select directors..
• Headline: PULITZER EDITOR QUITS; Bovard Leaves Post-Dispatch on Differences With Publisher. Impact: Bovard’s resignation from the Post-Dispatch might have opened the floodgates for a slew of dramatic editor exits, eventually leading to a new genre of 'editorial reality shows.' Imagine the drama!. Fact: Rumor has it Bovard’s differences with the publisher were over who could write the best pun—a classic case of 'pun-ishment' in journalism..
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: Honoring Uncle Sam in Dalesville may have sparked a national trend of towns claiming various oddities as their heritage, leading to bizarre local pride events. Next up: the world's largest collection of spoons!. Fact: If only they knew that Uncle Sam's real secret was his love for pancakes—might have led to a pancake festival instead..
• Headline: M'COY'S FAREWELL IS READ AT REVIEW; 2d Corps Commander Starts on Leave to End With His Retirement on Oct. 31 RECEIVES 13-GUN SALUTE Gen. Humphrey Succeeds Him in Area Today-Bullard and Miles Attend Parade. Impact: M'Coy’s farewell and the 13-gun salute could have inadvertently inspired future generations to overdo retirements, leading to awkwardly elaborate send-offs, complete with marching bands and confetti cannons.. Fact: Fun fact: you can only retire with a 13-gun salute if you can convince at least three friends to bring their own cannons..
• Headline: BROKERAGE PAYMENT BASIS OF FTC CHARGE; Patman Act Violation Is Laid to Mississippi Concerns. Impact: The FTC's charges against Mississippi Sales Co Inc could have set off a chain of events where everyone suddenly became a law expert, leading to the rise of amateur courtroom dramas in living rooms across America.. Fact: And to think, all it took to make everyone an expert in the law was one brokerage payment violation. Talk about a slippery slope!.