JULY 5, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lufthansa's Historic Transatlantic Trials. Impact: If these flights had failed, we might have never had those awkward in-flight safety demonstrations, or worse, innovation might have taken a backseat to horse and buggy again. Thanks, Lufthansa!. Fact: The first transatlantic flight didn’t involve a stylish cocktail or Wi-Fi. It involved a lot of faith and a very shaky plane!.
• Headline: Key West Highway Dedication Ceremony. Impact: The dedication of this highway surely caused a ripple effect of epic road trips, which eventually led to the invention of gas station hot dogs. You're welcome, America.. Fact: Highways: the original social media platforms where everyone is just trying to avoid eye contact..
• Headline: The Klein-Simonn Historic Meeting. Impact: This union might have caused an alternate timeline where all marriages are celebrated with a grand parade and cake. Alas, we live in the mundane reality.. Fact: Klein and Simonn? Sounds like the world's most boring law firm..
• Headline: LEADER OF WOMEN IN SWEDEN IS HERE; Miss Hesselgren, Ex-Senator, Will Survey Our Gains Since Visit 19 Years Ago SEES ROOM FOR PROGRESS League of Nations Aide Holds Scandinavian Countries Lead Us in Reforms Finds American Women Lag Equal Rights" Nearly Complete. Impact: Her observations could have sparked a feminist renaissance that led to the invention of yoga pants, proving that comfort and rights can coexist beautifully.. Fact: Women in Sweden were already kicking butt while the U.S. was still figuring out how to let women vote!.
• Headline: EDWARD OTIS GOSS, MANUFACTURER, 72; Head of the Scovill Company in Waterbury, Conn., Is Dead--Was Railroad Director ALSO OFFICIAL OF BANK Former Alderman and Active in Other City Posts--Father of Ex-Representative Was Leader in Waterbury Active in Other Enterprises. Impact: His death likely caused a minor ripple in the world of banking and manufacturing, leading to an unexpected boom in both industries—because nothing motivates progress like a good old-fashioned mortality scare.. Fact: Being a director sounds fancy until you realize it just means you have to attend a lot of boring meetings..
• Headline: Gustaf Unrecognized on Stroll Amid Idlers on Riverside Drive; Sweden's Future King Takes Walk With His Doctor After Leaving Hospital Unobserved--Other Members of Party Arrive. Impact: His stroll without recognition might have inspired future royals to adopt casual attire, leading to a world where kings wear sweatpants. A true victory for comfort!. Fact: Imagine being a royal and still going unnoticed. It's like being a celebrity in a small town!.
• Headline: E. C. CHAMBERLIN. Impact: His name might have inspired future generations to come up with increasingly ridiculous names for their children, leading to a world full of unique, yet hard-to-pronounce names.. Fact: E. C. Chamberlin sounds like a character from a Victorian novel. Bet he had a pet parrot named 'Sir Squawksalot'..
• Headline: Americans Swarm to Bullfight. Impact: This surge in bullfighting spectators may have indirectly led to the rise of the modern cowboy, and all those silly 'cowboys and aliens' movies we see today.. Fact: Americans at bullfights? Because nothing says ‘freedom’ like watching a bull get poked with sharp objects..