JUNE 28, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic MLB Matchup: St. Louis Showdown. Impact: If the Yankees had lost this game, a young fan might have decided to pursue a career in knitting instead of baseball, leading to a future where professional knitting leagues overshadow Major League Baseball. Imagine the drama of the Knitting World Series!. Fact: Baseball: the only sport where you can be called out for not showing up. Seriously, it’s a thing..
• Headline: Teachers Unite for Federal Aid Support. Impact: If teachers had united back then, perhaps the education system would have evolved into a utopia of learning, where math was replaced with dance parties and history was taught by time-traveling historians... oh wait.. Fact: Teachers are the only professionals expected to shape the future while being paid like they're babysitting..
• Headline: STUDEBAKER DENIES FACING PRESSURE; Education Head Finds Lack of Political Influence. Impact: If Studebaker had admitted pressure, it might have led to a scandal that would have changed the landscape of automotive marketing forever, resulting in a car that doubles as a coffee shop. Talk about a drive-thru!. Fact: Studebaker was once a leading car manufacturer, but it turns out that making cars isn't as easy as pie—unless you consider pie-in-the-sky dreams..
• Headline: YANKS PLAY TWO TODAY; To Face Athletics at Stadium, Gomez and Hadley Hurling. Impact: The Yankees winning could have led to a chain reaction of fans converting their basements into mini-stadiums, ultimately resulting in a rise of home-run themed home décor. Welcome to the era of baseball wallpaper!. Fact: The Yankees have more World Series titles than most countries have medals in the Olympics. Maybe they should consider a career in international sports diplomacy!.
• Headline: CICI AND GERALDI LEAD; Former Heads Caddy Masters and Latter the Caddies. Impact: Cici and Gerald's championship could have sparked a new trend where caddies become celebrities, eventually leading to a reality show called 'Caddy Life: The Struggles of the Fairway.'. Fact: Caddies are often the unsung heroes of golf—mostly because they carry the bags and don’t get to take any of the credit for those hole-in-ones..
• Headline: JERRY F. DONAVAN. Impact: Jerry F. Donavan's brief mention could lead to a future where obscure historical figures are celebrated with their own national holidays, like 'Jerry F. Donavan Day,' where no one would know what to do with themselves.. Fact: Sometimes the most influential people in history are the ones whose names you can’t even spell. Welcome to the club, Jerry..
• Headline: Tax Paid by Auto Owner In 1937 in New York $56. Impact: If auto owners could have foreseen the future, they might have banded together to start a revolution against taxes, leading to a world where cars are free and the roads are paved with gold. Or just potholes.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, 56 bucks in taxes for a car in 1937 sounds like a steal—though I wouldn’t suggest trying to buy a car for that amount today..
• Headline: NEW FAMILY GIFT TO DUKE; Mrs. Biddle Donates Father's Home to University. Impact: Mrs. Biddle’s donation could have led to a string of wealthy families donating homes to universities, creating a chain reaction that would see universities turn into sprawling estates. Welcome to Ivy League Disneyland!. Fact: Donating to universities is like giving a gift to a bottomless pit—thank you for your generosity, here’s a huge tax write-off!.
• Headline: MISS GRACE W. GEER, BOSTON ARTIST, 83; Portrait and Landscape Painter Was Mayflower Descendant. Impact: Grace W. Geer's passing might have inspired young artists to pursue painting, leading to a future where art is dominated by portraits of cats. Yes, the world could have been filled with feline masterpieces.. Fact: Being a Mayflower descendant sounds prestigious, but it just means your ancestors took a really long boat ride to a new life. Hope they packed snacks!.