JUNE 26, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: C.I.O. Gains Ground: NLRB Controversy. Impact: This decision unleashed a chain reaction where every time someone mentions 'labor rights', a distant ancestor of a ship's captain suddenly develops a headache. The shipping industry begins to navigate not just waters, but also the treacherous waters of labor relations.. Fact: The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has been arguing against labor rights longer than most people have been arguing about pineapple on pizza..
• Headline: Mayor's Committee Requests RFC Support. Impact: This plea for loans eventually leads to an explosion of urban development, resulting in the creation of the first 'overly complex' roundabout, which confuses drivers for generations. Thank you, city planning!. Fact: The RFC, or Reconstruction Finance Corporation, was like that one friend who always lends you money but reminds you about it every time you see them..
• Headline: Guild Blamed as Star Publication Ends. Impact: The fallout from this event leads to a nationwide shortage of newspapers, which is ironically filled by the rise of social media where everyone can voice their opinions, whether anyone wants to hear them or not.. Fact: In the newspaper business, 'trial publication' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's see if anyone actually reads this stuff.' Spoiler: they often don't..
• Headline: CHINESE ONSLAUGHT CUTS FOES' DRIVE IN YANGTZE VALLEY; Victory Over a Japanese Force Near Town Guarding Boom in River Is Claimed WARSHIPS REPORTED SUNK Hankow Planes Said to Have Destroyed Two-Southern Areas Again Bombed Chinese Victory Claimed CHINESE ATTACKS CUT YANGTZE DRIVE War Nearly a Year Old American Mission Bombed. Impact: This decisive victory shifts the balance in the war, leading to the eventual formation of alliances that will create a world order where everyone pretends to like sushi, despite secretly missing burgers.. Fact: The Yangtze Valley has witnessed more drama than a reality TV show, with battles and bombings that would make even the toughest action movie seem like a rom-com..
• Headline: THE DANCE: A CONFERENCE; Educational Aspects of the Art to Be Discussed in Paris--News Notes Lectures and Discussion Educators and Dancers News Notes. Impact: This conference sets off a global dance craze, resulting in the invention of dance-offs, where people settle disputes with the type of awkward moves that only seem cool in hindsight.. Fact: Dance conferences are basically just gatherings where educators and dancers try to prove that they can make anything look graceful, even their attempts to explain the 'robot' dance..
• Headline: TWO WORLDS AND FANNY KEMBLE; A Spirited Biography Presents Her Adventures in England and America Fanny Kemble. Impact: Fanny Kemble’s adventures inspire future generations of artists, leading to a world where biographies become bestsellers, and everyone suddenly thinks their lives are worthy of a memoir.. Fact: Fanny Kemble was not just a talented actress; she also had the foresight to know that a good story always sells better than a mediocre one..
• Headline: MENTAL BREAKDOWNS AMONG NEEDY RISING; Childrens Welfare Federation Tells of Increasing Demandsds. Impact: This report highlights the growing need for mental health resources, prompting social movements that eventually lead to the establishment of modern support systems, because apparently, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.. Fact: The increase in mental health awareness has led to more people acknowledging their feelings than ever, proving that it's okay to admit 'I'm not okay'—especially on social media..
• Headline: TO BUY ROAD MATERIALS; WPA Expects Bids to Total About $12,000,000. Impact: This massive expenditure on road materials eventually leads to the creation of potholes that will haunt drivers for decades, resulting in a national pastime of dodging them.. Fact: The WPA was known for its road projects, but little did they know they were also laying the groundwork for countless debates over whose turn it is to fill the potholes..
• Headline: FROM VARIED FRONTS. Impact: This orchestration leads to a series of events culminating in a chaotic but oddly entertaining public performance that leaves everyone wondering how it all came together, much like a family reunion.. Fact: Orchestration in the arts is just a fancy term for 'let's see how many different instruments we can fit in one room before someone plays the wrong note.'.
• Headline: WHAT MAKES A GREAT VARSITY CREW; Muscle, Endurance, and the Right Spirit Most Of All, Says Ulbrickson, Washington's Coach WHAT MAKES A VARSITY CREW. Impact: This advice inspires countless young athletes to take up rowing, leading to a new generation of people who have no idea what to do with a boat other than make it move in a straight line.. Fact: Rowing is one of those sports where you can be in a boat with seven other people and still somehow feel like you're doing all the work. Classic teamwork!.