JUNE 18, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: LIVING VISION. Impact: Ed's contribution to the NYC regional plan could have led to a future where every corner had a statue of a pigeon, further solidifying New York's status as the 'Pigeon Capital of the World.'. Fact: Living Vision sounds like a bad superhero movie, but it's really just about urban planning. Spoiler alert: the villain is always traffic..
• Headline: CORNELL ALUMNI AT 61, 12; New Directory of Living Grac ates Lists 26,220 in This Stat. Impact: The publication of the alumni directory could have catalyzed a massive wave of self-congratulation among graduates, leading to a future where 'look what I've done' is the new social currency.. Fact: Alumni directories are basically the adult version of a high school yearbook, reminding you of all the people you promised to keep in touch with but now just stalk on social media..
• Headline: DOUGLAS MOORE HONORED; His Quartet Will Be Published by American Music Society. Impact: Douglas Moore's quartet being published might have led to an unexpected music renaissance, where everyone suddenly became obsessed with chamber music, causing a shortage of air violins.. Fact: Getting published by the American Music Society is like getting a gold star in music school—only this time, the star is a little more pretentious..
• Headline: HARRY W. REXTREW; Buyer for W. M. Whitney Firm in Albany for Many Years. Impact: Harry W. Rextrew's long tenure could have influenced future buyers to take their jobs more seriously, resulting in a chain reaction where everyone in Albany suddenly became very invested in the local economy.. Fact: Being a buyer for a firm in Albany sounds glamorous until you realize it's mostly about negotiating prices over lunch—definitely not the stuff of legends..
• Headline: Britons Mark Bible Anniversary. Impact: The 400th anniversary of the English Bible being placed openly in churches likely led to a future where everyone felt compelled to quote scripture at family gatherings, sparking many awkward moments.. Fact: Britons celebrating the Bible's anniversary is a great reminder that if you read it closely enough, you find out that most of the good stuff happens in the first few pages..
• Headline: MISS DEAN TAKES HARD 3-SET MATCH; Defeats Miss Smith, 6-3, 3-6, 9-7, to Gain Semi-Finals in State Title Tennis MRS. HIRSCH IS WINNER Eliminates Mrs. Blumenthal, 2-6, 7-5, 6-2--Miss Hirsh Halts Miss Germaine Triumphs, in Three Sets Miss Dean Goes Ahead. Impact: Miss Dean's intense match might have ignited a nationwide frenzy for women's sports, eventually leading to an era where tennis was the new Olympic event, and everyone had matching outfits.. Fact: Tennis matches are like soap operas for the athletic—lots of drama, questionable costumes, and a lot of shouting at inanimate objects..
• Headline: 4 OF 62 DEFENDANTS CLEARED IN HARLAN; Judge Frees 2 Companies and 2 Officers, but Rejects Pleas for All the Others Defense Argues for Hours 4 OF 62 DEFENDANTS CLEARED IN HARLAN. Impact: The Harlan case's outcome could have set a precedent for corporate accountability, potentially leading to a future where companies actually felt guilty for their shenanigans. Shocking, I know.. Fact: Clearing four out of sixty-two defendants is like a participation trophy for corporations—everyone's a winner, but nobody feels good about it..