JUNE 4, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jersey College Commencement Ceremony 1938. Impact: This graduation ceremony inspired an entire generation of women to pursue higher education, leading to an overabundance of book clubs and coffee shops where they would discuss the meaning of life and the best brands of organic almond milk.. Fact: Did you know that degrees conferred at women’s colleges were once seen as so radical that the thought of a woman reading a book was considered scandalous? How times have changed!.
• Headline: Noah Wyckoff and C. U. Caesar Wedding. Impact: The marriage of Mrs. Noah Wyckoff to C. U. Caesar was the catalyst for a long line of comically confusing names in the family tree, leading to a future where everyone at family reunions ends up playing a game of 'who's who' with the name tags.. Fact: Did you know that this wedding probably set off a trend of elaborate wedding hashtags that no one would ever remember? #Blessed #MrAndMrsCaesar.
• Headline: Eleanore Davis and Pemberton Lincoln's Wedding. Impact: Eleanore Davis's wedding to Pemberton Lincoln led to the accidental discovery that mixing 'Davis' and 'Lincoln' in a family name could cause centuries of confusion about whether they were related to the president or just really big fans of a good beard.. Fact: Did you know that 'Pemberton' is just a fancy way of saying 'I have too many syllables in my name'?.
• Headline: ROOSEVELT TO LAY FAIR CORNERSTONE; Hour After June 30 Ceremony He Will Make 2d Speech at Education Session. Impact: Roosevelt laying the cornerstone at the World's Fair marked the start of a tradition where politicians are forever laying foundations for projects that never see the light of day, leading to a future where the phrase 'shovel-ready' became a cruel joke.. Fact: Did you know that every time a politician lays a cornerstone, a construction worker's dream dies a little? Just kidding, they love the work!.
• Headline: Nova Scotian, 103, Dies. Impact: J.D. McLellan's passing at 103 opened the floodgates to a wave of conspiracy theories about the secrets of longevity, leading future generations to believe that eating kale and avoiding carbs could somehow unlock immortality.. Fact: Did you know that at 103, J.D. McLellan had probably seen more historical events than most history books? Talk about a living encyclopedia!.
• Headline: GOD A REACTIONARY,' COLGATE HEAD SAYS; He Assails Social Security in Talk to Riverdale Seniors. Impact: The 'God is a reactionary' comment sparked a theological debate that would echo through the ages, leading to a great number of people questioning their beliefs while simultaneously deciding what to have for dinner.. Fact: Did you know that this comment likely led to the world’s first philosophical food fight? Spoiler alert: it was not pretty..
• Headline: Oberge-Kendall. Impact: The union of Oberge and Kendall set a precedent for future couples with equally baffling last names, spiraling into a world where wedding invitations require a glossary for pronunciation.. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'Oberge-Kendall' three times fast in front of a mirror, you might summon a hipster barista?.
• Headline: SCIENTISTS' PLANE REACHES HONOLULU; Archbold and Five Associates in $250,000 Flying Laboratory End Hop From San Diego. Impact: The scientists' plane landing in Honolulu not only advanced aviation technology but also inadvertently initiated the trend of scientists being the ultimate party crashers at every beach barbecue for decades to come.. Fact: Did you know that the scientists probably brought a ton of equipment to study the sand and ended up just building sandcastles instead? Typical!.
• Headline: MOVED TO "A MORE APPROPRIATE" LOCATION. Impact: The statue's move from Central Park to Randall's Island not only caused an uproar among art aficionados but also paved the way for future debates about where to put all that 'modern art' that nobody understands.. Fact: Did you know that moving a statue is basically like playing musical chairs, but with a lot more angry emails and fewer chairs?.