MAY 27, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ex-Policeman's Role in Racketeering Exposed. Impact: If only Smith had just stuck to being a regular policeman, we might have avoided a future where detective novels became wildly popular. Now, every aspiring author thinks they can write a gripping story about a rogue cop.. Fact: This isn't the first time someone tried to play both sides. Remember those infamous 'good cop, bad cop' routines? They were probably just inspired by Smith's career choices!.
• Headline: Miss Goodman Engagement Announcement. Impact: Miss Goodman's engagement set off a chain reaction of wedding planning disasters. Future brides everywhere have since struggled with Pinterest boards filled with unattainable floral arrangements.. Fact: Engagements often lead to weddings, which then lead to the creation of those 'Save the Date' magnets that ruin the aesthetic of refrigerators everywhere..
• Headline: Evelyn Talcott's Wedding in Connecticut. Impact: This union between Talcott and Sturgis likely inspired countless rom-coms where two people with ridiculously posh names find love against all odds—but mostly because of their trust funds.. Fact: The wedding industry has turned into a billion-dollar business. Who knew two people just saying 'I do' could lead to a future of overpriced cake and awkward family reunions?.
• Headline: Abbey Players Sail Tomorrow. Impact: With the Abbey Players sailing for Ireland, an unexpected boom in Irish tourism started. Now, every pub claims to have the best Guinness, and tourists are still confused about what 'craic' actually means.. Fact: The Abbey Players are credited with popularizing the term 'theater nerd' long before it became a badge of honor for high school drama clubs everywhere..
• Headline: Farouk's Sister to. Wed Iranian. Impact: Princess Fawzia's marriage likely fueled a royal matchmaking frenzy, leading to an influx of royal gossip columnists. Today, everyone is either a royal family enthusiast or just pretending to be with the help of Google.. Fact: Marrying into royalty usually comes with a hefty dose of public scrutiny. It's like signing up for a lifetime of reality TV without the payoff!.
• Headline: Gains Medal at Columbia. Impact: Winning a medal at Columbia may have sparked the competitive spirit in future generations, resulting in an arms race of academic achievements that ultimately led to parents hiring tutors for toddlers.. Fact: Columbia has produced more Nobel laureates than you can count, which is great unless you're the one who just wants to get a degree in interpretive dance..
• Headline: L. E. W. BUCKINGHAM. Impact: The mention of L.E.W. Buckingham might have inspired an entire generation to start using initials, leading to a world where everyone sounds like they’re hiding their true identities.. Fact: Using initials is the 1920s equivalent of having a mysterious username on social media. Welcome to the age of anonymity!.
• Headline: Son to Harold R. Medinas Jr.. Impact: The birth of Harold R. Medina Jr. likely resulted in the creation of a new family tradition: naming children after family members. This has led to an endless loop of the same names being recycled over generations.. Fact: Naming conventions can be a slippery slope—by the time the 10th generation rolls around, everyone is just named ‘John’ or ‘Mary’ with increasingly absurd middle names..
• Headline: BOOKS OF THE TIMES; The Hour of Austrian Decision Kurt Schuschnigg's Courageous Apologia Freedom Must Be Fought For The Road to Berchtesgaden. Impact: Schuschnigg's book became a key reference for future leaders, although some might argue it just led to more poorly written history papers. Thanks, Kurt, for making history class even more tedious!. Fact: The phrase 'freedom must be fought for' is often misquoted by politicians who fight for their own freedom but forget about the citizens. Irony at its finest!.