APRIL 24, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionary Flying Boat Takes Flight. Impact: The testing of the miniature China Clipper eventually inspired a series of increasingly ridiculous flying boat movies, culminating in a blockbuster about a heroic seaplane saving a stranded island of cats. Fact: Did you know that the original China Clipper was used to transport mail? Now we just use it to send memes across the internet!.
• Headline: Historic Matchup: Major Sports Results. Impact: This headline sparked a nationwide obsession with sports statistics that culminated in the birth of fantasy sports leagues—because nothing says 'fun' like pretending to own a player who will never acknowledge your existence. Fact: Did you know that sports results used to be delivered via telegram? Talk about a slow news cycle—hope you liked waiting for a horse and buggy to deliver your score!.
• Headline: Queens Patrolman Ousted. Impact: The ousting of Patrolman J. Allen sent shockwaves through the police department, creating an underground network of officers who would only communicate in emojis to avoid detection—because that’s how you solve crime, folks. Fact: Did you know that being a patrolman has historically been one of the most dangerous jobs? Apparently, getting ousted is now just part of the job description.
• Headline: METHODISTS BALK AT LIBERAL REPORT; Dr. C. F. Reisner Rallies Support for Conservative Views at Conference Session. Impact: This liberal report debacle triggered a chain reaction that led to the creation of various factions within the church, eventually resulting in a reality TV show titled 'Pastors of the Pulpit'—where the drama is real and the repentance is questionable. Fact: Did you know that Methodism originated in the 18th century? They probably didn't expect their debates to turn into a televised circus!.
• Headline: TELECASTS HERE AND ABROAD. Impact: The description of television background devices eventually led to the invention of the TV remote—because who doesn't want to avoid human interaction with the power of technology?. Fact: Did you know that the first TV remote was called 'Lazy Bones'? It was a fitting name for the invention that made couch potatoes a national pastime.
• Headline: Miscellaneous Brief Reviews; Oddities of New York. Impact: The 'Oddities of New York' feature inspired countless travel blogs, leading to an explosion of hipster cafés and artisanal pickle shops—because who doesn't want to pay $10 for a jar of pickles?. Fact: Did you know that New York City was once the capital of the U.S.? Now it seems to be the capital of overpriced everything!.
• Headline: REPORT INDICATES HUGE HOME MARKET; Survey Shows 16,933 St. Lois Families Ready to Buy. Impact: The survey indicating families ready to buy homes led to a real estate bubble that would later burst, causing a national crisis, which ironically made more families ready to adopt dogs instead of homes. Fact: Did you know that St. Louis is known as the 'Gateway to the West'? Too bad they didn’t include a return ticket for when the housing market crashed!.
• Headline: CRITICS CIRCLE PLAY; Open for Business. Impact: The opening of this play inspired a series of imitators, leading to a new genre of 'business theatre' where the main conflict was whether to use paper or digital files—a riveting experience for all. Fact: Did you know that plays have existed for thousands of years? At least back then, the actors had better costumes than the ones in today's corporate offices.
• Headline: PARKWAYS PUSHED FOR WESTCHESTER; County Park Board and Group of Supervisors Study Five New Road Projects. Impact: The push for parkways in Westchester led to a suburban sprawl that eventually made driving an Olympic sport—complete with traffic jam hurdles and detour dodges. Fact: Did you know that parkways were originally designed for scenic drives? Now they’re just scenic routes to your next case of road rage!.