APRIL 20, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gestapo Takes Control of Austrian Office. Impact: This move set off a chain reaction that would eventually lead to an entirely new genre of spy novels. Who knew that office politics could be so lethal, right?. Fact: The Gestapo was so efficient at seizing power that they probably could have taken over a coffee shop and still made it sound sinister..
• Headline: Reich Officers Recalled from Abroad. Impact: The urgency of this recall led to the creation of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policies, but in the worst possible way. Who knew loyalty could be so conditional?. Fact: It's rumored that the officers returned home in a whirlwind of confusion, wondering if they had just missed the best vacation of their lives..
• Headline: Bishop Stires Dedicates New Church. Impact: The dedication of this church not only solidified faith for many but also inspired generations of architects to realize that 'more spires' equals 'more holy'.. Fact: Bishops are like the original influencers—one good sermon and people are ready to build you a church!.
• Headline: Ederle Case Is Settled. Impact: Settling this case helped pave the way for future legal dramas, eventually inspiring countless courtroom TV shows. Because who doesn't love a good gavel bang?. Fact: Settling out of court is just legalese for 'let’s avoid the drama and settle this like adults... or at least like slightly more mature children.'.
• Headline: Tokyo Denial on Fleet Off Davao. Impact: This denial fueled conspiracy theories that suggested Japan was secretly building a fleet of ninja ships. Spoiler alert: they weren't.. Fact: Denying a fleet's existence is a classic move—it's like saying 'I didn't eat the last piece of cake' when everyone knows you have frosting on your face..
• Headline: BREWERS PURCHASE PLANT IN BROOKLYN; Ice Company's Property Listed in New Hands-Other Deals. Impact: This purchase led to the proliferation of craft beers, which ultimately resulted in hipsters wearing flannel and brewing their own kombucha in their apartments. Thanks, brewers!. Fact: Buying a plant in Brooklyn is basically a rite of passage for wannabe entrepreneurs—it's like saying, 'Look mom, I made it!'.
• Headline: Books Published Today. Impact: The release of Ommanney's book contributed to the eventual rise of the 'beach read' genre. Who knew the roaring forties would lead to lazy afternoons with paperbacks?. Fact: Publishing a book is like throwing a party; you invite everyone, but only your mom shows up with a fruitcake..
• Headline: LISTS 1,379 PRIESTS SLAIN; Vatican Organ Reports Them Killed by Spanish Loyalists. Impact: This tragic event underscored the brutal realities of war and led to deep discussions about faith, martyrdom, and the human condition that resonate even today.. Fact: It's astonishing how such a huge loss can serve as a grim reminder of the cost of conflict—like a very morbid version of 'Guess Who?'.
• Headline: McDiarmid Princeton Coach. Impact: Hiring McDiarmid as a coach sparked a series of intense rivalries in collegiate sports, setting a precedent for yelling at referees and bantering on social media.. Fact: Coaching at Princeton is basically the equivalent of getting a PhD in shouting at young people while pretending to inspire them..