MARCH 30, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Groundbreaking Nerve Paralysis Injection Unveiled. Impact: This treatment led to the creation of a secret society of doctors who believed they could inject thoughts directly into patients' minds—unfortunately, they only succeeded in making people forget why they walked into the office.. Fact: Did you know that if you injected yourself with enough confidence, you could convince yourself you’re actually a doctor? It’s called the ‘WebMD Effect’..
• Headline: Search for Missing Navy Fliers. Impact: The search for the missing fliers sparked the creation of endless conspiracy theories about secret underwater bases that were allegedly hiding UFOs. Spoiler: they were just looking for the fliers' lunch.. Fact: In 1940, the Navy had a better chance of finding lost socks in a dryer than locating missing fliers, but they still tried!.
• Headline: James Roosevelt's Legal Victory. Impact: This case inadvertently inspired a generation of drivers to believe they could win any argument in court as long as they had a famous last name. The phrase 'Don't worry, I’m a Roosevelt' became a thing.. Fact: James Roosevelt once thought about entering the demolition derby, but decided against it when he realized his family wouldn't back him financially in that risky endeavor..
• Headline: HUGH F. M'TAGUE. Impact: Hugh McTague's name mysteriously disappeared from history, leading future generations to wonder if he was a secret agent or just really, really boring.. Fact: With a name like Hugh McTague, he could have easily been a character in a bad detective novel. Or perhaps a villain in a soap opera!.
• Headline: HOUSE GROUP MAPS REVISIONS IN BILLS ON REORGANIZATION; Leaders Would Retain Con. troller General but Put Him Under the President FOUR MEASURES MERGED Committee to Offer Combined Version as One 'a Whole Lot Better' Than Senate's Speedy Action in View Committee Head Confident MAP HOUSE SHIFTS ON REORGANIZATION Praises State's Senators. Impact: This reorganization led to the eventual creation of a new branch of government known as the Committee for Overcomplicated Bureaucracy, which has been a shining example of how to make everything more confusing.. Fact: House meetings about revisions are basically just a bunch of people shouting over each other about how their lunch was better than the last guy’s..
• Headline: Zola Film Banned in Poland. Impact: The banning of the Zola film sparked an underground film festival that lasted for decades, where people would gather in basements to watch films in secret and pretend they weren’t having the time of their lives.. Fact: Banning films often leads to more people wanting to watch them—turns out, human nature is just a big ‘forbidden fruit’ situation!.
• Headline: BLUM WARNS PARIS BOURSE MAY CLOSE; Premier Says Action Will Be Taken if Financial Plan Is Not Approved Monday Strike Settlements Sought Avoiding Dictatorial Powers Metal Workers Enter Pact. Impact: This warning resulted in a financial panic that created the first-ever 'stress balls' which were originally just small pieces of dough. They sparked a wellness trend that no one really wanted.. Fact: When the Paris Bourse sneezes, the economy catches a cold. But don't worry, it’s probably just a seasonal flu!.
• Headline: REV. ALBERT M. QUIGLEY; Pastor of the Baptist Church of Mariners Harbor, S. I.. Impact: Rev. Quigley's impact led to the establishment of a nationwide 'Quigley Effect' where all pastors were required to have at least one pun in every sermon. The congregation was never the same.. Fact: Pastors have been known to have a higher pun-to-parable ratio than comedians—that’s what happens when you have a captive audience!.