MARCH 7, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lewisohn's Torah Perspective in 1938. Impact: This rebranding of the Torah as a novel sparked a literary renaissance among Jewish writers, eventually leading to the invention of the modern-day 'self-help' section in bookstores. Thanks, Lewisohn! Who knew the Torah would be the precursor to 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'?. Fact: Did you know that if Homer had access to the internet, he would have been just another blogger? Imagine 'The Iliad' as a series of tweets!.
• Headline: Inquiry Calls for Quinn's Ouster. Impact: This inquiry set off a chain reaction of political scandals that led to the invention of the phrase 'politician's laundry' as a euphemism for corruption, making it perfectly acceptable for politicians to air their dirty laundry in public.. Fact: Did you know that political scandals are like bad sitcoms? They just keep getting renewed season after season, no matter how terrible they are!.
• Headline: RISE IN SEX CRIMES TERMED ALARMING; Sharp Increase Found for 1936 and 1937 Over Average for Seven Preceding Years FEW OFFENDERS PUNISHED 3 Out of 5 Go Free, While 1 of 2 Is Sentenced on Lesser Charge, Study Reveals Old Warning Seen Unheeded Three Out of 5 Go Free. Impact: This alarming rise in sex crimes prompted a series of reforms that ultimately laid the groundwork for the modern victims' rights movement, proving that sometimes, out of darkness, a better system can emerge.. Fact: While the numbers are alarming, it’s also a reminder that justice systems have always needed a serious upgrade – just like your grandma's ancient phone!.
• Headline: Child to Bronson Williamses. Impact: The birth of this child set off a family legacy that would eventually lead to the Williams family dominating the 'Most Likely to Host Awkward Thanksgiving Dinners' award for generations.. Fact: Did you know that every child born is considered a future potential member of a family talent show? Prepare for that xylophone solo in 20 years!.
• Headline: Downtown Parking Ban To Be Enforced Today. Impact: This parking ban escalated into a full-blown urban legend about the mythical 'perfect parking spot' that could only be found during a blue moon. So good luck with that!. Fact: Did you know that parking tickets are basically the government's way of saying, 'We love your car, but we love our budget more'?.
• Headline: SEC IS CRITICIZED ON TRIAL METHOD; Roland Redmond, Counsel to Stock Exchange, Would Replace Examiners IMPARTIALITY IS DOUBTED An Administrative Court or Independent Bureau Might Be Better, He Says. Impact: This criticism laid the foundation for countless complaints about bureaucracy that would eventually lead to the creation of 'helpful' government websites nobody can navigate. Thanks, Roland!. Fact: Did you know that the SEC’s motto could easily be 'We may or may not know what we're doing, but we sure look good doing it'?.
• Headline: German Cruiser Asks Aid In a Storm Off Norway. Impact: This incident of maritime distress led to a series of naval laws and international agreements, ultimately inspiring numerous disaster movies where ships are dramatically saved at the last minute. Cue the epic soundtrack!. Fact: Did you know that calling for help at sea is basically the nautical version of tweeting for assistance? #SOS!.
• Headline: WALTER (RUBE) LUTZKE; Ex-Cleveland Third Baseman Is Dead in Milwaukee at 40. Impact: Walter Lutzke's untimely passing sent shockwaves through the baseball community, resulting in an increased focus on player health and wellness, eventually leading to modern sports medicine. A legacy that continues to save lives!. Fact: Did you know that baseball players' careers are often measured in home runs and injuries? Talk about a rough game!.
• Headline: ALBERT M. TALLARIGO. Impact: Albert's contributions to society were so underappreciated that they inspired a generation of 'unsung heroes' to finally get their moment in the spotlight—albeit a very dim one.. Fact: Did you know that every Albert has a hidden talent? Whether it’s knitting or competitive couch surfing, you never know!.