MARCH 5, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pamela Crawford's Wedding in New Haven. Impact: Little did they know, this union sparked a secret society of Yale professors who would, in future decades, conspire to create the world's most confusing coffee blends.. Fact: Did you know the average wedding generates enough paperwork to fill a small filing cabinet? Congratulations, you're now a statistic!.
• Headline: Wedding of Artist Ruth Wilcox. Impact: This seemingly innocent wedding led to a chain reaction of poorly painted family portraits that would haunt generations of the Wilcox family.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more permanent than a bad marriage is a bad wedding gift. Hope they didn't get another toaster!.
• Headline: Senate Confirms R.H. Jackson's Appointment. Impact: This vote inadvertently set off a nationwide trend of political speculation that would lead to every barista in America considering a run for president.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, a 62 to 4 vote is just a fancy way of saying 'most people didn’t care enough to show up'?.
• Headline: THIRD BASKET' TAX IS RAKED IN HOUSE; McCormack, Democrat, Asks Republicans to Join Coalition to Kill 'Unjust' Levy HITS INNOCENT AS GUILTY' Wadsworth, Assailing Revenue Bill, Says Profits Tax Reverses Business Economy Approves Rest of Bill THIRD BASKET' TAX IS RAKED IN HOUSE Paying a Penalty for Error". Impact: The fallout from this tax debacle led to the rise of a powerful underground economy where people traded baked goods for tax evasion tips.. Fact: Did you know that taxes are like bad relationships? They take a lot of your money and leave you feeling empty inside..
• Headline: Al Brown Regains Title. Impact: Al's victory inspired a wave of underdog stories, leading to a new genre of motivational posters featuring cats in boxing gloves.. Fact: Did you know that in boxing, regaining a title is just a fancy way of saying you lost it in the first place?.
• Headline: ALONZO JAMES; Head of Packing Company Dies at His Home in Irvington, Va.. Impact: Alonzo's passing sparked a fierce debate over whether packing peanuts or bubble wrap should be the industry standard, affecting shipping practices for decades.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of packing, Alonzo James was considered the 'Peanut King' until his royal reign was tragically cut short..
• Headline: HIALEAH PARK CHART; Santa Anita Results Fair Grounds Results Hialeah Park Entries Fair Grounds Entries. Impact: This seemingly innocuous chart would lead to the rise of compulsive betting apps, where every couch potato in America suddenly became an expert in horse racing.. Fact: Did you know that horse racing is just like life? It’s all about knowing which horse to back and hoping for the best..
• Headline: CUNNINGHAM MARK VALID, FACEY SAYS; New England Official Holds 4:04.4 Mile Was Run Under Approved Regulations Had Corresponded on Race Facey Gives His Viewss. Impact: The validation of this mile run led to a bizarre obsession with ultra-precise timing, resulting in a new Olympic sport: competitive clock-watching.. Fact: Did you know that if you run a mile in under 5 minutes, you could be a potential Olympian? Or just really good at running away from your problems..
• Headline: MISS WATTLES BEATEN; Loses to Mrs. Rogers, 3 and 1, in Bermuda Golf. Impact: This golf match loss led to a surprising increase in Bermuda's tourism, as everyone wanted to see where champions went down in defeat.. Fact: Did you know that losing a golf match in Bermuda is still better than winning one in a sand trap? At least the scenery is nice!.