FEBRUARY 22, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: T. F. Kane Appointed Deputy Clerk. Impact: If T.F. Kane hadn’t been appointed, it’s possible that the entire bureaucratic structure of New York would have collapsed under the weight of misplaced paperwork. Imagine a world where lost files led to the rise of a paper-eating monster that devours all the lost tax forms.. Fact: T.F. Kane later became known as the 'Paper Whisperer' for his uncanny ability to find lost documents. Just kidding, he’s mostly forgotten..
• Headline: Nazi Celebrations Spark Violence in Austria. Impact: This event sparked a wave of political rallies across Europe, eventually leading to even crazier events like the rise of reality TV in politics. Who knew that the Nazis would set off a chain reaction that would lead us to the Kardashians?. Fact: In an alternate timeline, the Nazis were known for their impressive dance routines instead of political terror. Thankfully, we avoided that one..
• Headline: McNutt Pilot Disciplined; Some See Political Omen; Lieut. Col. Johnson Broke Army Rule in Speeding Indiana Favorite Son East for Homecoming--Senators Intercede for Him DISCIPLINE OFFICER WHO FLEW M'NUTT Refusal Came After Departure Farley Not Attending Party. Impact: Lieut. Col. Johnson’s speeding ticket was the catalyst for a new military code: 'The Faster You Go, the Less You Know.' This eventually inspired a whole generation of military officers to ignore speed limits, leading to a series of high-speed chases in military vehicles.. Fact: McNutt’s homecoming party was so extravagant, it was rumored to have included a marching band, a petting zoo, and a mime. Because nothing says 'Welcome home!' like a silent performer..
• Headline: Civil War Veteran Hurt. Impact: The injury of a Civil War veteran in a revolving door may have sparked the invention of modern door safety mechanisms, saving countless future door users from similar fates. Talk about a legacy!. Fact: At 93, he was still more active than most people in their 20s today. Who knew revolving doors could be so dangerous?.
• Headline: Sir Josiah Stamp Deplores Loss of Eden; Says Democracies Should Stand Together. Impact: Sir Josiah Stamp's lament over the loss of Eden was so profound that it inspired an entire philosophy on the importance of political unity, which eventually led to the formation of support groups for sad democracies.. Fact: Eden’s sincerity was so praised that it became a currency of sorts. You could trade it for free coffee at political rallies!.
• Headline: BIG BRITISH PAPERS BACK CHAMBERLAIN; Agree That Talks With Italy Do Not Imply Government Is Bowing to Mussolini EDEN'S SINCERITY PRAISED The Times Predicts He Will Be Prime Minister Some Day--Provincial Press Divided Points of Difference Other Press Comment. Impact: The backing of Chamberlain by British papers created a media frenzy that eventually evolved into the modern tabloid industry. Who knew political endorsements could lead to headlines like 'Chamberlain Caught Buying Croissants!'. Fact: Chamberlain’s talks with Italy were so popular that they inspired a series of cooking shows. Because who doesn’t love a good pasta debate?.
• Headline: Chinese Report Japanese Held British Ship, Crew. Impact: The detention of a British ship by the Japanese ultimately paved the way for future international treaties that would make shipping lanes safer, which, in a bizarre twist, led to the invention of the 'shipping forecast'—one of the most boring radio segments ever.. Fact: Britain later offered to send a tea shipment as compensation, proving that diplomacy can be as simple as a good cuppa..
• Headline: LOUIS SILVERSTONE. Impact: Louis Silverstone’s brief mention in history sparked countless conspiracy theories about who he really was. Some say he was a time traveler himself, sent to witness the mundane.. Fact: Rumor has it that Louis once tried to sell ice to penguins. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well..