FEBRUARY 4, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Howard Gould, Stage Veteran. Impact: Howard Gould's passing marked the end of an era, leading to a surge of nostalgia that inspired a Broadway revival of every single play he was ever in. New York City was never the same again—tourists thought they were in a time warp of bad wigs and over-the-top acting.. Fact: Did you know that Howard Gould wasn't just a stage actor? He was also an avid collector of 17th-century spoons. A true Renaissance man, if your Renaissance includes a lot of shiny cutlery..
• Headline: B White's Pro Career Decision. Impact: B White's indecision about a pro offer led to a chain reaction where every athlete after him became painfully aware of their own worth. This resulted in an unprecedented boom in sports agents and motivational speakers, who now charge by the hour to help you decide if you should take that job you probably don't want.. Fact: Did you know that sports contracts are often more complicated than the plot of a Christopher Nolan movie? Seriously, they should just come with a decoder ring..
• Headline: Kress Expanding in West. Impact: Kress expanding in the West set off a domino effect of retail growth, leading to an explosion of 'big box' stores that now dominate the landscape. This ultimately caused the downfall of the mom-and-pop shops, who were left pondering where it all went wrong while sipping artisanal lattes.. Fact: Did you know that Kress was famous for its 5-and-dime stores? Because nothing screams luxury like a discount on plastic toys and candy from the 80s..
• Headline: N. Y. U. SETS BACK MARYLAND'S FIVE; Violet Opens Southern Trip With 42-to-27 Victory as Carnevale Leads Way. Impact: N.Y.U.'s victory over Maryland set off a chain reaction in college sports rivalries, leading to the infamous 'Rivalry Week' where students are encouraged to throw snacks at each other instead of engaging in actual discourse. Who knew sports could bridge the communication gap?. Fact: Did you know that a 42-to-27 score means that someone clearly wasn't playing defense? Or maybe they were just trying out for the basketball version of 'Dancing with the Stars.'.
• Headline: MRS. LAMME HEAD OF WOMEN'S TEAM; Three'Squads Chosen by New York for Intercity Squash Racquets Competition. Impact: Mrs. Lamme's leadership of the women's team was a pivotal moment for women in sports, inspiring future generations to assert their dominance in activities that required both finesse and the ability to yell 'let's go!' at the top of their lungs.. Fact: Did you know that squash racquets are like the hipsters of sports equipment? They were cool before you even knew they existed..
• Headline: PRESIDENT EXTOLS METHODIST COUNCIL; National Gathering of 4,000 in Chioago Told of Need to 'Return to Sermon on Mount'. Impact: Roosevelt's extolling of the Methodist Council led to a sudden surge of church attendance. This, in turn, inspired a wave of self-help books that claimed to offer spiritual enlightenment, all while making you feel guilty for not attending Sunday services.. Fact: Did you know that the 'Sermon on the Mount' is often misunderstood? Because who knew that turning the other cheek would lead to a whole new line of Christian merchandise?.
• Headline: FUR STRIKE THREATENED; General Walkout Will Follow Lockout, Union Asserts. Impact: The fur strike threatened to disrupt not just the fashion industry but also the world of small talk at upscale parties. Suddenly, everyone had to find a new topic besides their latest fur coat—what a tragedy.. Fact: Did you know that the fur industry has been around for centuries? It's basically the 'original sin' of fashion, and it never seems to go out of style. Talk about commitment issues..
• Headline: CHARLES BREDENFOERDER. Impact: Charles Bredenfoerder's existence sparked a series of unfortunate events, leading to a worldwide shortage of people who can spell his last name correctly. This later resulted in the invention of spellcheck, which still struggles with complex surnames.. Fact: Did you know that Bredenfoerder is a name that sounds like a magical creature from a fantasy novel? I'm pretty sure I saw it in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign once..