JANUARY 31, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: WPA's Tips for Shopkeeper Safety. Impact: The advice given to shopkeepers inadvertently led to an underground movement of robbers who became experts in evasion tactics, resulting in the creation of the first 'How to Rob a Store' guide in 1942. This book would later inspire a generation of misguided youths to pursue careers in... well, let's call it 'entrepreneurship.'. Fact: Did you know that the WPA stands for 'We’re Probably Advising you to Do the Obvious'? Because this advice was about as groundbreaking as telling fish to swim..
• Headline: Brooklyn Employers Charged in Fraud Case. Impact: This scandal led to a national crisis in trust, causing future generations to question everything from their pizza delivery to their own family ancestry. 'Are you really my father, or just a fraud?' became a common Thanksgiving dinner question.. Fact: Fun fact: Insurance fraud is basically the adult version of pretending to be sick to get out of school. Some people never grow up!.
• Headline: Couple Kidnapped in Downtown Robbery. Impact: This incident sparked a wave of fear that led to the invention of the 'anti-kidnapping car' equipped with a hidden ejector seat. Unfortunately, it was never marketable due to safety regulations… and the fact that it was just plain ridiculous.. Fact: Did you know that being an accountant is just a fancy way of saying you can count to ten without losing your sanity in a bank? Apparently, that skill didn’t help this couple much!.
• Headline: DR. ERNEST N. HUTCHINSON. Impact: Dr. Hutchinson's contributions to his field led to a series of medical breakthroughs that eventually resulted in the invention of the first self-help book for hypochondriacs. It became a bestseller, proving that anxiety sells.. Fact: Dr. Hutchinson’s name sounds like the secret identity of a superhero who saves people from their own bad decisions. In reality, he was probably just trying to save people from the common cold..
• Headline: JESSE M. FINKLEA MARRIED IN SOUTH; Wed at Plantation Home of Parents in Carolina to R. P. Schofield Jr.. Impact: This marriage was the catalyst for a reality TV series a century later, where descendants of the couple attempt to live in harmony despite their inherited family drama – think 'Real Housewives' meets 'Gone with the Wind.'. Fact: Did you know that weddings in plantation homes often come with a side of inherited family tension? It’s like a two-for-one deal on drama..
• Headline: Nuns Save 12 as Home Burns. Impact: The bravery of these nuns inspired a movement of community service that would eventually lead to the founding of various charitable organizations. Ironically, they also developed a reputation for being the only ones who could save you from your own poor life choices.. Fact: Nuns saving people from a burning building is essentially the original superhero origin story. Forget capes; they come with a habit!.
• Headline: ANNE MUHLENBERG HAS CHURCH BRIDAL; Daughter of Wyomissing, Pa., Couple Is Married to Jackson Kemper 3d. Impact: The marriage of Anne Muhlenberg set off a chain reaction of social connections that eventually led to the creation of an obscure but influential networking group known as 'People Named Jackson.'. Fact: Did you know that weddings aren't just about love? They're also a great way to collect embarrassing family stories that will be retold at every holiday gathering for eternity..
• Headline: Adams-Cross. Impact: This simple headline hints at a union of two families that could have changed the course of history if only they had remembered to invite the right relatives to the wedding. Instead, they just ended up with a family reunion that no one wanted to attend.. Fact: Did you know that 'Adams-Cross' could have been the name of a trendy coffee shop, but instead, it’s just a reminder that some unions are better left unexplored?.