JANUARY 30, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Westchester Folk Arts Course Announced. Impact: Little did Westchester know, this folk art course would inspire a global resurgence in knitting that leads to a knitting revolution, ultimately resulting in the world's first knitted skyscraper in 2042.. Fact: Fun fact: Without this course, hipsters might have never discovered the magic of artisanal macrame..
• Headline: Deli Robbery Foiled by Police Arrests. Impact: The arrest of these five not-so-bright robbers sparked a nationwide surge in 'how not to commit robbery' workshops, leading to the creation of a reality TV show in 2025 where criminals learn to be less criminal.. Fact: Did you know that tying up shop owners is considered bad form in the criminal world? They much prefer 'Please and thank you.'.
• Headline: Struggles of Migratory Workers in 1938. Impact: This tragic event ignited a movement that led to the establishment of the first federal food assistance program, which, ironically, would eventually be branded by a fast-food chain in the 1980s.. Fact: During this time, the term 'farm to table' had an entirely different meaning, usually involving a very long table and very few actual meals..
• Headline: RADIO LEADERS IN SCHOOL POLL. Impact: The results of this poll inadvertently led to the rise of the radio as the primary source of news, resulting in a future where people actually believed everything they heard on the radio—like that time Orson Welles scared the pants off everyone with Martians.. Fact: Fun fact: Before this poll, schools were still relying on the ancient art of yelling across the playground for announcements..
• Headline: SCHMELING CHOICE TO WIN BOUT TODAY; Favored Though Outweighed 15 Pounds by Foord for Battle in Hamburg. Impact: Schmeling's win not only solidified his status as a boxing legend but also inspired a future generation of athletes to believe they could defy the odds, leading to the creation of a very awkward motivational poster featuring a kitten boxing a lion.. Fact: Did you know that in an alternate universe, Foord actually won and went on to become the first intergalactic heavyweight champion? True story!.
• Headline: MONTREAL DOWNS YALE'S SEXTET, 5-3; Gagne Registers Thrice and Flips Puck to Grignon for Winners' Other Goals. Impact: This hockey game sparked a rivalry that would lead to the creation of the world's longest-running ice sculpture festival, where players would freeze their grievances instead of airing them out on the ice.. Fact: Did you know that hockey players are the original 'ice' sculptors? They just didn’t get the credit because they were too busy scoring goals..
• Headline: A. E. Reames Is Appointed Oregon Senator; Steiwer's Successor Won't Run in Primary. Impact: Reames's appointment led to an unexpected upsurge in political apathy, eventually causing the invention of a new sport: watching paint dry while pretending to care about politics.. Fact: Fun fact: Reames’s first act as senator was to propose a bill for mandatory nap time in the Senate. Spoiler: it didn’t pass..
• Headline: TO NEW YORK'S 'ALPINE' RESORT; Bear Mountain-Harriman Area, Within Commuting Distance of The City, Offers Varied Sports to Thousands of Visitors. Impact: The rise of this resort eventually led to the invention of the 'staycation', where people would feel justified in lounging on their couch instead of going to the actual mountains.. Fact: Did you know that 'Alpine' is just a fancy way of saying 'we have snow, but only if you squint hard enough'?.
• Headline: 40,000 RISE LIKELY IN 1938 AUTO TAGS; Harnett Estimates That Many Over the 500,000 Cars Licensed Here by Feb. 1, '37. Impact: This prediction sparked a nationwide panic about license plate availability, leading to a bizarre trend of people hoarding tags like they were gold, only to find themselves using them as wall decorations in the 1940s.. Fact: Fun fact: People loved their license plates so much that they started naming them, leading to a very confusing social network called 'Platebook.'.