JANUARY 22, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Editors Support South's Growth in 1938. Impact: If Graves hadn't praised the editors, perhaps the South would have become the last frontier of poorly written Yelp reviews instead. Imagine the culinary disasters documented in Yelp history, all because of a lack of press support.. Fact: The South's last frontier? They should really just call it the last place to get a decent biscuit and gravy..
• Headline: Genre Art Display Opens at Gallery. Impact: This art display might have sparked an underground movement that led to the rise of 'Farmhouse Gossip' as a genre. Today, we might be reading tabloids filled with rumors about cows and their secret lives.. Fact: The Cellist? It's just a fancy way of saying, 'I play the violin, but with a bigger box.'.
• Headline: Sonja Henie Premieres at RoxyCinema. Impact: Sonja Henie's 'Happy Landing' might have inspired future generations to believe that happy landings are actually a thing. Spoiler alert: they're not, especially when it comes to bad decisions.. Fact: RoxyCinema de Paris? Sounds fancy! I bet the popcorn cost more than the ticket..
• Headline: CHANGES DEBATED IN INSURANCE LAW; Code Compiler Says It Would Avert Difficulties That Have Wrecked Companies. Impact: The debate over insurance law changes might have led to a world where insurance companies actually cared about their customers. But let's be real, we still live in the realm of 'no, that's not covered.'. Fact: Insurance law: the only place where a 'code' is more complicated than a software manual..
• Headline: TOWN OFFICIAL HELD AFTER LABOR ARRESTS; Plot Is Laid to Hotel Group, Chamber of Commerce and Lakewood Officers. Impact: This scandal could have revealed a secret society of town officials who only meet in dimly lit back rooms to discuss how to best ruin weekends for everyone. Thanks, labor rights!. Fact: Unjustifiable arrests? Sounds like the perfect title for a bad crime drama series..
• Headline: MRS. MARY MULQUEEN, LEADER IN CHARITIES; Daughter of Late Mayor T. F. Gilroy and Long Active in Education Is Dead. Impact: Mrs. Mary Mulqueen's death could have rallied the community to create a superhero in her honor, fighting for education and charity—think 'Captain Charity' saving the day one fundraiser at a time.. Fact: Being the daughter of a mayor? It's like having a permanent VIP pass to all the boring town hall meetings..
• Headline: DR. PONTUS H. CONRADSON; Oil Chemist, Native of Sweden, Dies in Franklin, Pa., at 86. Impact: Dr. Pontus H. Conradson's passing might have led to a global shortage of oil chemists, which in turn prevented the invention of oil-scented candles. Just imagine a world without those.. Fact: At 86, he probably knew more about oil than most of us know about our own families..
• Headline: MOTHER MARY AUGUSTINE; First Dean of College of New Rochelle Ursuline Superior. Impact: Mother Mary Augustine's legacy could have inspired future generations of Ursulines to push for more educational reforms, eventually leading to a world where everyone actually enjoys history class.. Fact: First Dean? That’s like being the first person ever to decide that 'school' should be a thing..
• Headline: Job Insurance Benefits Are Clarified by Sifton. Impact: Sifton's clarifications on job insurance benefits probably inspired a whole generation of job seekers to think they could actually understand their benefits. Spoiler alert: they still don’t.. Fact: Job insurance benefits: the only thing more confusing than your last relationship..
• Headline: Electricity Now Tests The Freshness of Fish. Impact: The U.S. Bureau of Fisheries' device testing fish freshness could have led to global fish gossip networks. Now we'd all be in the know about which fish were living their best lives before becoming sushi.. Fact: Freshness tests? Because nothing says 'gourmet' like knowing your fish was swimming yesterday..