JANUARY 20, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Woodring Opposes Canal Tolls Legislation. Impact: Woodring's passionate plea against canal toll exemptions led to a series of discussions that would eventually cause a massive increase in shipping costs, resulting in the rise of a black market for canal passage. Who knew that a simple toll debate could pave the way for a future where pirates re-emerged as a legitimate transport option?. Fact: Did you know that canal tolls are like taxes? Everyone hates them, but they somehow help pay for things you didn't know you needed, like a canal!.
• Headline: Roosevelt Boosts Civil Service Merit System. Impact: Roosevelt's unwavering support for the merit rule might have inadvertently set off a chain reaction leading to the bureaucratic maze we know today, where hiring based on qualifications is as rare as finding a unicorn at the DMV.. Fact: Fun fact: The Civil Service Law was created to stop the rampant nepotism—because obviously, hiring your cousin for a government job is just a terrible idea. Right?.
• Headline: West Side Taxpayers Protest Illegal Picketing. Impact: The West Side taxpayers' outcry marked the beginning of a long-standing tradition of people protesting anything that slightly inconveniences them, a tradition that would evolve into the modern-day Twitter outrage.. Fact: Did you know that picketing is basically the ancient form of Twitter? Just without the hashtags and instant gratification of likes..
• Headline: Liquor Workers' Union Votes $5-a-Day Fine Against Members Who Evade Picket Duty. Impact: The Liquor Workers' Union's decision to fine members for not participating in picketing inadvertently inspired the creation of a new sport: Competitive Picketing. It’s like a marathon, but with more shouting and fewer medals.. Fact: Fun fact: The fine for evading picket duty is just like a gym membership fee—except instead of getting fit, you just get fined for not showing up..
• Headline: CARS UNDER APARTMENTS; Albany Bill Would Permit Such Storage in Fireproofed Space. Impact: The Albany Bill permitting cars under apartments led to a chaotic future where residents became garage sharks, claiming prime basement parking spots like they were the last slice of pizza at a party.. Fact: Fun fact: The concept of basement garages was probably inspired by the sheer number of people who refuse to parallel park—because why not just store your car underground like a mole?.
• Headline: THE PLAY; George Abbott Returns to the Gallery of Comedy With 'All That Glitters'. Impact: George Abbott's return to comedy with 'All That Glitters' sparked a series of theatrical productions that led to the rise of the modern sitcom, proving that laughter really is just another form of time travel.. Fact: Did you know that comedy can be like a time machine? You laugh so hard you forget your own problems—at least until the credits roll..
• Headline: LEAGUE AIDS 35,266 ALIENS; Group on Citizenship Helped 16,121 to Get First Papers. Impact: The League's assistance to aliens in obtaining citizenship led to an ever-growing population of future citizens who would later become influencers. Thanks for the heads-up, League!. Fact: Fun fact: Helping aliens become citizens is like giving them a VIP pass—except instead of front row seats, they just get to sit in a waiting room for hours..
• Headline: Newsprint Inquiry Goes to FTC. Impact: The FTC's inquiry into newsprint prices set off a series of events that eventually led to the invention of digital news, because let’s face it, who wants to lug around a stack of newspapers when you can just scroll on your phone?. Fact: Did you know that newsprint is made from trees? So, in a way, every time you read a paper, you’re also helping the forest industry. It’s like a weird form of eco-support!.
• Headline: GARNER IS BLOCKED BY SENATE CUSTOM; Efforts to Hold Filibusterers to Rigid Rules Are Defeated by 'Courtesy'. Impact: Garner's struggle with Senate customs and filibusters only served to highlight the age-old truth that political courtesy often leads to complete gridlock. Thanks, Senate, for keeping democracy slow and steady.. Fact: Fun fact: Filibustering is basically just political yoga—stretching out discussions until everyone forgets what they were talking about in the first place..