JANUARY 11, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Increase in Business Failures Reported. Impact: As businesses crumbled, the rise of the entrepreneur was ignited. This led to the birth of start-up culture in the 21st century, where everyone thinks they can sell artisanal pickles and make a fortune.. Fact: 268 business failures means 268 more opportunities for your neighbor to start a trendy coffee shop nobody asked for!.
• Headline: Mass Unemployment Hits Insurance Applications. Impact: As joblessness climbed, it paved the way for the gig economy. Now, instead of having one stable job, we all get to juggle five part-time jobs while pretending we're thriving.. Fact: 370,000 people applying for insurance means a lot of 'entrepreneurial' side hustles—like turning to dog walking or becoming a TikTok influencer!.
• Headline: Cardozo Remains Gravely Ill in 1938. Impact: Justice Cardozo's condition rallied public interest in the health of legal figures, leading to a future where politicians and judges have health updates delivered like sports scores. 'Breaking: Justice X has a cold!'. Fact: No change in Cardozo's condition? Well, at least his lack of progress gives us plenty of time to ponder the real issues in our judicial system..
• Headline: SEEKS ALIMONY FOR MEN; Middleton Bill Proposes Equal Footing With Women. Impact: The push for equal alimony led to a future where finances became a battleground in divorces, resulting in the rise of financial advisors who specialize in marital breakdowns.. Fact: Equal alimony? Because nothing says 'I love you' like splitting your life savings over a legal battle!.
• Headline: LEHMAN'S 1938-39 BUDGET CUTS EXPENSES $15,000,000, BUT SPECIAL TAXES STAND; TOTAL $385,824,459. Impact: Budget cuts meant less government spending, which led to a future where communities had to fend for themselves, sparking the rise of neighborhood bake sales and questionable GoFundMe campaigns.. Fact: Cutting $15 million from the budget while keeping special taxes is like saying, 'I’ll take the salad, but please add extra bacon!'.
• Headline: 17 HELD AS FELONS GET AID FROM DEWEY; First Offenders Allowed to Plead to Lesser Charges, but Two Fail to Win Clemency. Impact: By allowing first offenders to plead to lesser charges, a future trend emerged where leniency became a new form of justice, guaranteeing future debates about the fairness of the legal system.. Fact: 17 felons getting a soft pass is basically the judicial system saying, 'Don't worry, we all make mistakes…especially on the first try!'.
• Headline: BUYING FOR SPRING IS 'FAIR' AT OPENING; Initial Apparel Budgets 15% Under a Year Ago, When Prices Were Rising. Impact: The 'fair' buying season meant that everyone was on a budget, leading to a future where thrift stores became the new luxury boutiques. Vintage is the new black!. Fact: 15% under last year's apparel budget? Guess it's time to dust off those 90s outfits and call it 'vintage chic'!.
• Headline: 2,000,000 APPROVE ANTI-WAR APPEAL; People's Mandate, at Meeting Here, Presses Drive to Get 12,000,000 Signatures. Impact: The anti-war appeal's momentum snowballed into a global movement, eventually inspiring protests and activism that we still see today, albeit with more hashtags and less actual change.. Fact: 2,000,000 people signed an anti-war appeal, proving that sometimes, the power of a signature is stronger than the power of a bullet… or at least we hope!.
• Headline: Man's Frozen Body Found. Impact: The discovery of a frozen body led to a future where true crime documentaries became a multi-billion dollar industry, making everyone an armchair detective.. Fact: A frozen body found in the woods? Great, just what we needed to boost the local ghost tour business!.
• Headline: Hudson Quintet Shows Way. Impact: The Hudson Quintet's performance set a standard for ensemble performances, leading to an era where every wannabe musician thinks they can form a band and take over the world—spoiler: they can't.. Fact: The Hudson Quintet shows the way? I hope they brought snacks, because ensemble practice is always a feast of disappointment and broken dreams!.