JANUARY 5, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: British Concerns Over American Isolationism. Impact: If the British had successfully allied with the U.S. back then, we might have avoided the whole 'War of Independence' drama and instead just shared tea and scones over a friendly game of bridge. Imagine the alternate universe where America is just a quirky British colony with a penchant for baseball instead of cricket.. Fact: Did you know that instead of declaring independence, the U.S. could have just sent a strongly worded letter? It worked for their breakup with King George III!.
• Headline: Garment Workers' Play Contest Winners Announced. Impact: The success of these plays may have sparked a chain reaction leading to a century of dramatic interpretations of everything from Shakespeare to sock puppets, culminating in today's bizarre trend of 'live-action' role-playing in your local park. Thanks, garment workers!. Fact: Did you know that 'Pins and Needles' was not just a play, but the emotional state of the cast waiting for their union status to be settled? Talk about tension!.
• Headline: PWA POWER PLANS SPED BY DECISIONS; Ickes Asks Cummings to Seek the Dissolution of All Injunction Suits. Impact: Ickes' push for dissolving injunctions could be seen as the first step in a long line of government officials trying to cut through red tape, eventually leading to modern-day bureaucratic coffee breaks that somehow last longer than the actual meetings.. Fact: Interestingly, the PWA (Public Works Administration) might actually stand for 'Please Wait Awhile' given how long it takes to get anything done in government!.
• Headline: EVAN BARNARD, 74, OKLAHOMA PIONEER; New York Sculptor's Brother, One of First Cowboys to Settle in State, Dies. Impact: Evan Barnard's passing represents the end of an era. His legacy as a pioneer may have inspired future generations to settle the West, leading to the creation of classic Westerns where cowboys ride into the sunset while their horses are actually just pretending to be tired.. Fact: Barnard's life was so full of adventure that if he were alive today, he’d probably have his own reality show titled 'Pioneering with Evan: Cowboy Edition!'.
• Headline: TROTH ANNOUNCED OF JANE WEADOCK; Greenwich Girl Will Be Wed to John Taynton Davy Spence of England. Impact: Jane Weadock's engagement might have set off a flurry of transatlantic romances, leading to a series of epic love stories and misunderstandings that eventually turned into the plotlines for Hallmark movies. Because why not?. Fact: Did you know that back in the day, engagements were a serious affair? No texting ‘will you marry me?’—it was all about grand announcements and waiting for the right moment, like a suspenseful rom-com!.
• Headline: Wilmerding-Berlin. Impact: The Wilmerding-Berlin headline probably sent shockwaves through both families, leading to an epic saga of family reunions and awkward dinner conversations that could rival any soap opera.. Fact: Fun Fact: In the 1930s, family names were often more complicated than the relationships themselves. It’s like a genealogy version of 'Who’s Who?' but with less clarity!.
• Headline: Son to Alvin Wadsworths Jr.. Impact: The birth announcement of Alvin Wadsworth Jr. might have led to a whole new generation of Wadsworths, inadvertently establishing a dynasty of people who are perpetually confused about which Alvin they are talking about.. Fact: Did you know that naming your kid after yourself is a time-honored tradition? Because who doesn’t want to carry around the same name and expectations for life?.
• Headline: Buys Plane Engines and Parts. Impact: The purchase of plane engines and parts likely set off a chain reaction leading to the aviation boom, which in turn led to the invention of in-flight snacks, proving that even the skies can’t escape the lure of capitalism.. Fact: Fun fact: The first in-flight meal was actually just a sandwich with a side of existential dread—because what else would you want while flying thousands of feet in the air?.
• Headline: GREECE TAKES U. S. GOODS; Enlarged Import Quota for Six Months Is $50,000. Impact: Greece's increased import quota for U.S. goods could be seen as the beginning of a beautiful economic friendship, which eventually resulted in the U.S. exporting everything from burgers to pop culture, leading to countless Greek diners across America.. Fact: Did you know that if you think about it, every time you enjoy a Greek salad, you're actually partaking in a historical exchange of goods and culinary traditions? Feel free to thank the import quotas!.