DECEMBER 28, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: City Saves $500,000 on Lighting Costs. Impact: If only they'd known that saving $500,000 on lighting would lead to a massive surge in people bumping into lampposts, leading to a nationwide increase in personal injury lawsuits, and eventually a new insurance industry focused solely on 'streetlight-related accidents.' Ah, progress!. Fact: In 1938, you could save money on streetlights, but you still couldn't save yourself from stepping into a puddle after a rainstorm..
• Headline: Prof. Powell Critiques Roosevelt's Judicial Plans. Impact: When Prof. Powell called out the court's 'prattling of myths', little did he know that he was planting the seed for future lawyers to use the phrase 'alternative facts' in court, making it a staple of courtroom drama for centuries to come.. Fact: Political science sessions have been around for ages, yet somehow, they still haven't figured out how to make them entertaining. Bring back interpretive dance!.
• Headline: Teruel Fires and Rebel Resistance. Impact: The 6,000 rebels holding out in Teruel would go on to inspire countless movies, video games, and perhaps even a particularly dramatic 'reality' TV show about survival in extreme conditions. Spoiler alert: no one wins.. Fact: Sieges are like really prolonged game nights; someone eventually has to lose, and it usually involves a lot of snacks and very few bathroom breaks..
• Headline: NATALIE WOOD BETROTHED; To Be Bride of H. N. Wightman, Jersey Glider Champion. Impact: Natalie Wood's engagement would later inspire generations of young girls to dream about marrying someone with a unique title, like 'Jersey Glider Champion.' Who needs royalty when you can have a sporting title?. Fact: Betrothals were once a matter of family alliances, but now you just need to swipe right and hope for the best. Progress?.
• Headline: FRANCOEUR WINS ELECTION; Gets Place in Canada Parliament Over Anti-Defense Rival. Impact: Francoeur winning an election may have seemed insignificant at the time, but it sparked a series of 'who even is this guy?' moments in Canadian politics that would echo through the halls of Parliament for decades to come.. Fact: Elections can sometimes feel like high school popularity contests, but with way less awkwardness and slightly more at stake. Yay democracy!.
• Headline: DEBT LOAD $3,000 A FAMILY IN STATE, LEGISLATORS SAY; Joint Fiscal Policy Committee Puts Local, State and Federal Total at $11,875,000,000 ASKS PAY-AS-YOU-GO PLAN Report Warns of 'Ultimate Repudiation or Inflation' if Borrowing Continues Warns of Federal Debt Increase Time to Take Medicine" DEBT LOAD IS PUT AT $3,000 A FAMILY For Equal Responsibility. Impact: The revelation of a $3,000 debt load per family would set off a chain reaction of panic, leading to the birth of countless financial advisors and motivational speakers who'd spend decades trying to assure people they weren't doomed. Spoiler: they weren’t.. Fact: Debt is just another word for 'I really want that new shiny thing but don’t want to wait for it.'.
• Headline: Diebold-Hart. Impact: The mysterious 'Diebold-Hart' headline remains an enigma, but it's likely that some long-lost conspiracy theorist is currently crafting theories about their secretive meetings and their plans to take over the world, one obscure headline at a time.. Fact: Sometimes, the most interesting headlines are the ones that tell you absolutely nothing. It's like the newspaper's version of a cliffhanger!.
• Headline: DR. W. E. DARNALL, GRNECOLOGIST, WAS 688; President of Atlantic City's Hospital Association and a Noted Surgeon Dies. Impact: The passing of Dr. W.E. Darnall marked a significant point in medical history, leading to a generation of doctors who would go on to argue over whether they should really be called 'healers' or 'providers.' Spoiler: they still haven’t figured it out.. Fact: When a noted surgeon dies, it’s not just a loss for the medical field; it’s a reminder that eventually, everyone runs out of time—even the best of us!.
• Headline: KING CAROL SEEKING A CABINET SOLUTION; Confers With Leader of Christian National Party and With His Ex-Chief of Staff. Impact: King Carol's search for a cabinet solution would lead to a series of 'who’s in charge?' situations that would inspire future monarchs to consider just hiring a really good PR team instead of dealing with all that political drama.. Fact: Monarchs conferring with their advisors is like a group project in school—everyone pretends to care but secretly hopes someone else will do the work..
• Headline: CHEMICAL FINDINGS SPEED CANCER AID; Isolation of Six Materials From Living Cells Opens New Field of Treatment. Impact: The isolation of six materials from living cells for cancer aid might seem like a small step, but it actually kickstarted a global race for cancer research funding that would lead to more breakthroughs, celebrity endorsements, and the occasional 'miracle cure' infomercial.. Fact: Science has a way of making the impossible possible, but it still hasn't figured out how to make broccoli taste like chocolate. Priorities!.