DECEMBER 21, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Copts Excommunicate Controversial Bishop. Impact: The excommunication of Abuna Abraham set off a chain reaction that led to the formation of the 'Coptic Rebel Alliance,' a group of bishops who decided to start tweeting about their grievances instead of addressing them in person. #BishopDrama. Fact: Did you know that excommunicating someone is essentially the ancient version of being unfollowed on social media? Talk about taking things personally!.
• Headline: Six Companies Secure Exhibit Space for 1939. Impact: The signing of exhibit space contracts for the 1939 fair inadvertently led to the development of the world's most elaborate brochure collection, which would eventually become a niche hobby for future generations with nothing better to do.. Fact: Fun fact: 'FAIR' stands for 'Future Attractions In Reality.' Just kidding, it actually stands for nothing, but it sounds nice, right?.
• Headline: Turkey's Resource Development Initiative. Impact: Turkey's three-year mining plan was so successful that it inadvertently led to a global gold rush that resulted in everyone thinking they could strike it rich, leading to a surge in 'how to pan for gold' YouTube tutorials decades later.. Fact: Did you know that mining plans are like New Year's resolutions? Everyone makes them, but few actually stick to them!.
• Headline: Submarines Cause Stir in Chile. Impact: The stir caused by submarines in Chile resulted in a nationwide shortage of submarine sandwiches, leading to an underground market for footlongs and an unexpected culinary revolution.. Fact: Did you know that submarines are the only vessels that can truly keep their secrets underwater? Unless they have leaks, then it's just awkward..
• Headline: 2 ANTI-NAZI PICKETS HELD; Accused by Kuhn of Calling Him Names at Exhibit. Impact: The arrest of anti-Nazi pickets sparked a debate that ended with the creation of 'Picketing 101: How to Call Out Nazis and Get Away with It,' now a bestseller among history buffs.. Fact: Did you know that protesting is basically the ancient art of shouting at people who don’t want to hear you? It’s like yelling at the TV, but with a sign!.
• Headline: Coast Defense Garrison Ordered for Sierra Leone. Impact: The decision to order a coast defense garrison for Sierra Leone triggered a series of events that eventually led to the creation of the 'Coast Guards for Everyone' program, which was more about beach parties than actual defense.. Fact: Did you know that coast defense garrisons are like the bouncers of the ocean? Except, instead of keeping out trouble, they just keep out the bad vibes..
• Headline: FOUR UNION CHIEFS INDICTED IN RACKET; Cleveland Grand Jury Finds They 'Exacted Tribute' From Builders. Impact: The indictment of union chiefs for extortion gave rise to a legendary underground syndicate known as 'The Builders' who strategically drove up construction prices, leading to the invention of the phrase 'inflation is just a union thing.'. Fact: Did you know that extortion is just a fancy word for asking for 'donations' with a very persuasive tone? It's like crowdfunding, but with threats!.
• Headline: CUBAN SENATE PASSES GENERAL AMNESTY BILL; Machado and Aides Will Be Freed When the House Votes for New Amendments. Impact: The passing of the general amnesty bill in Cuba unwittingly led to a spike in the usage of the word 'freedom' in political speeches, making it the most overused term in the history of political rhetoric.. Fact: Did you know that amnesty bills are like getting a free pass in life? Everyone wants one, but they rarely come without a catch!.
• Headline: Princeton Six Beats University of Montreal in Overtime; COCHRANE'S GOAL TOPS MONTREAL, 3-2. Impact: The Princeton Six's victory in overtime caused a ripple effect in college sports, where every game since has been played with the dramatic tension of a last-minute thriller, leading to the invention of sports reality TV.. Fact: Did you know that overtime in sports is just a way to stretch out the drama so that everyone can lose their minds a little longer? It's like adding an extra episode to your favorite show!.
• Headline: Frank B. Kellogg Better. Impact: Frank B. Kellogg's improved condition led to the creation of a wellness trend among politicians, inspiring future leaders to prioritize yoga and meditation over actual governance.. Fact: Did you know that Frank B. Kellogg's name sounds like he should be selling breakfast cereal? 'Start your day right with Kellogg’s!'.