DECEMBER 4, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Colonel F. H. Allen Passes Away. Impact: Col. Allen's passing led to a sudden surge in interest in the Lafayette Escadrille, causing a butterfly effect that resulted in a spike in French-American relations, and who knows, maybe even inspired some aspiring pilots to take to the skies... or just play a lot of video games about it. Fact: Col. Allen's diplomatic skills were so legendary that even his pet parrot was rumored to negotiate treaties on his behalf.
• Headline: Death of Tashi Lama, Tibet's Last Grand Lama. Impact: With the Tashi Lama's death, Tibet's political situation became so chaotic that it inspired a legendary underground movement of monks who secretly wrote soap operas about their struggles. The show went on to become a hit in the 2020s!. Fact: The Tashi Lama was known for his love of Western fashion, which may have inadvertently started the trend of monks in hoodies at yoga studios.
• Headline: Water-Color Club Exhibition Opens. Impact: The opening of this water-color exhibition sparked a global obsession with watercolor painting, eventually leading to a new form of therapy known as 'water-coloring your feelings.' Therapy sessions now often include paintbrushes and a canvas. Fact: Some say that a particularly bad painting in this exhibition launched the careers of several art critics who just really needed something to complain about.
• Headline: France Honors W. S. Farish. Impact: France's honor of W. S. Farish led to a diplomatic incident when the French government mistakenly thought they were honoring a famous wine, resulting in a bizarre exchange of cheese and confusion. Fact: W. S. Farish was so honored that he joked about starting a new line of French-inspired American wines called 'Merlot de Farish.'.
• Headline: Harriet Howard Is Married. Impact: Harriet Howard's marriage led to an unforeseen increase in wedding planning services, which later evolved into a multi-billion dollar industry filled with Pinterest boards and overzealous bridal shows. Fact: Rumor has it that Harriet's wedding planner was also a time traveler, ensuring everything went perfectly—except the cake, which mysteriously vanished right before the ceremony.
• Headline: BADMINTON TESTS TO CENTRAL UNITS; Class B Events Won by Teams 1 and 2 as Women Triumph in Group A Match DARIEN UPSETS WESTPORT Furnishes Surprise in Men's Division--Old 69th Squad Beats Richmond County THE SUMMARIES. Impact: The badminton tests and team victories sparked a nationwide obsession with the sport, resulting in an unanticipated badminton craze that led to the creation of the first-ever Badminton World Cup. Spoiler alert: it was mostly just a lot of shuttlecocks. Fact: The Darien team's unexpected victory was later blamed for the rise of overly competitive family picnics, where badminton became the focal point for family feuds.
• Headline: CARREL URGES FUND FOR STUDY OF AGING; Tells Life Insurance Heads No Laboratory in the World Is Equipped for the Task AN UNCHARTERED LAND New Methods Are Required to Solve the Problems of Longevity, He Holds. Impact: Dr. Carrel's push for aging research set off a chain reaction in the medical community, eventually leading to a wildly popular 'Forever Young' trend that involved questionable skincare routines and a lot of kale. Fact: Dr. Carrel once claimed that if we studied aging hard enough, we could find the secret to eternal youth hidden in a good cup of coffee. Still waiting on that research, Dr. Carrel.
• Headline: Roosevelt's Old Number Rings Too Often in a Republican Home; Even President's Son Made the MistakeCouple Took It as Good Fun Till the News Got Out and Practical Jokers Phoned. Impact: The accidental prank call to the president's old number led to a new trend of practical jokers dialing random historical figures, resulting in a bizarre series of 'conversations' with people like Julius Caesar and Cleopatra. Spoiler: they were not amused. Fact: The fact that even the president's son fell for it shows that prank calls transcend time, and clearly, no one is safe from the wrath of the practical joker.
• Headline: 2 Ace Fliers Die in Miami As Downdraft Traps Racers; Kling, Thompson Trophy Winner, and Haines Drop Rounding Pylon--Miss Cochran Sets New York-Miami Record at 278.13 M. P. H. TWO ACE PILOTS DIE IN MIAMI AIR RACE Told to Recross Starting Line Miss Cochran Averages 278.13 Carnahan Second in Fatal Race Caught in Same Downdraft Kling a Star at Cleveland WRECKAGE IN AIR CRASH IN MIAMI AND PILOTS WHO WERE KILLED. Impact: The tragic deaths of the ace fliers led to stricter air race regulations, which then inspired a new generation of safety-conscious pilots who took to the skies, resulting in a massive decrease in aerial accidents—unless you count bad karaoke nights at pilot bars. Fact: Miss Cochran's record-setting flight was so fast that she inadvertently created a new speed limit for planes, which is still a source of debate among aviators today.
• Headline: VILLANOVA PREVAILS, 68-39; Duzminski, With 21 Points, Leads Attack Against Rider Five. Impact: Villanova's victory sparked a basketball dynasty that led to a series of legendary rivalries. It was said that every win created a new pizza place named after the winning team, leading to an epidemic of pizza consumption in college towns. Fact: Duzminski’s 21 points became so famous that they eventually inspired a line of motivational self-help books titled 'Scoring Success: The Duzminski Method.'.