NOVEMBER 8, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Corporate Reporting in 1937. Impact: Little did the corporate world know that this report would lead to the invention of spreadsheets, which would eventually cause an uprising of office workers armed with nothing but coffee and passive-aggressive emails.. Fact: Did you know that corporate reports have the same excitement level as watching paint dry? But hey, at least they come with a side of spreadsheets!.
• Headline: Father Gillis Condemns Indecent Writing. Impact: Father Gillis's outrage over indecent writing sparked a secret society of writers who vowed to pen the most scandalous novels, leading to the birth of modern literature and the reason why your grandmother is clutching her pearls.. Fact: Did you know that 'indecent writing' is just a fancy term for anything that doesn’t mention tea or knitting? What a scandal!.
• Headline: McDermott Wins Fall Tournament Championship. Impact: McDermott's net title victory inspired a group of couch potatoes to form a support group dedicated to championing the art of snack consumption during sports events, leading to the establishment of national 'Couch Potato Day.'. Fact: Did you know that winning a net title is just a fancy way of saying 'I can hit a ball over a string'? Truly impressive!.
• Headline: U. A. W. Local Authorizes Ford Strike at St. Louis. Impact: The Ford strike at St. Louis set off a chain reaction that led to a national obsession with labor rights, culminating in the rise of the phrase 'I need a coffee break' being used to justify every possible absence from work.. Fact: Did you know that strikes are just fancy ways for workers to say, 'We'd rather stand outside in the cold than deal with you today'?.
• Headline: ATTENDANCE RISES AT THE BOOK FAIR; Visitors on Third Day Number 3,418, Against 2,607 First Sunday a Year Ago. Impact: The Book Fair attendance surge led to the rise of hipster book clubs where discussing obscure literature became a status symbol, ensuring that no one ever finished a book without posting about it on social media.. Fact: Did you know that the Book Fair is basically a glorified gathering of people trying to look intellectual while secretly Googling plot summaries?.
• Headline: Germans Mark Armistice. Impact: The Germans marking the Armistice set off a wave of remembrance events worldwide, which eventually led to the invention of the 'memorial selfie'—because nothing says 'I care' like a filter and a peace sign.. Fact: Did you know that marking an armistice is just a diplomatic way of saying, 'Can we please stop fighting and have a tea party instead?'.
• Headline: GUARDSMEN IN PARADE; 14th Infantry Regiment Takes Part in Armistice Observance. Impact: The 14th Infantry Regiment's parade not only honored the past but also ensured that every future parade would feature at least one person tripping over their shoelaces, forever immortalizing clumsiness in military history.. Fact: Did you know that parades are basically just long walks with a lot of marching and some bad music? Who knew history could be so boring?.
• Headline: Woman Convict Flees Prison. Impact: Mrs. W Del Beechio's escape from prison sparked a nationwide trend of 'prison break' fantasies, leading to a boom in heist movies and an unfortunate increase in DIY escape plans among the overly ambitious.. Fact: Did you know that prison escapes are just like the ultimate game of hide and seek, except the stakes are slightly higher?.
• Headline: 1,500,000 PARADE AS SOVIET MARKS 20TH ANNIVERSARY; Polar Scientists, Ships at Sea and White Russian Guards Take Part in Fete by Radio. Impact: The Soviet celebration of their 20th anniversary led to a global fascination with parades that included ships at sea, inspiring countless future generations to take their celebrations a bit too far—including the infamous 'Dance Like No One's Watching' movement.. Fact: Did you know that 1.5 million people parading is just a small town's worth of people trying to avoid their actual responsibilities?.
• Headline: HOPE FOR PEACE SEEN AS REMOTE; World Nearer Strife Than on First Armistice Day, Says the Rev. L. M. Flanders. Impact: Rev. L. M. Flanders's sermons on peace highlighted the irony of human nature, setting a precedent for future generations to debate whether to prioritize peace or the latest trending conflict on social media.. Fact: Did you know that when someone says 'hope for peace,' they often mean 'let's just agree to disagree over brunch'?.