NOVEMBER 7, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Black Diamond Line Contract Signed. Impact: This pay rise eventually leads to a wave of labor unions forming across the country, resulting in the creation of the 'National Workers' Party,' which surprisingly focuses more on pizza parties than actual worker rights.. Fact: In the world of labor negotiations, a 12% pay rise is like finding a 20-dollar bill in your winter coat; unexpected, but don't spend it all in one place!.
• Headline: Radio Dramatization of Football Heroes. Impact: This radio dramatization brings forth an era of sports broadcasting that culminates in the creation of the 'Couch Potato Olympics' where athletes compete in binge-watching marathons.. Fact: Before radio, football heroes were only dramatised in the imaginations of bored housewives. Thank goodness for technology!.
• Headline: OF PRINTS: SWEDISH AND AMERICAN. Impact: This exhibit sparks an art movement where prints become the preferred medium of communication, leading to a future where Instagram influencers only post prints instead of photos.. Fact: Prints were once so popular that people thought scrolls were just a passing fad. Who knew paper could be so revolutionary?.
• Headline: In the South Sea Islands Known as "Dark"; John W. Vandercook's Voyaging in Fiji, New Guinea and The Solomons Makes a Distinguished Travel Book. Impact: Vandercook's adventures inspire a series of reality television shows where people get lost in Fiji, eventually leading to a global trend of booking vacations in places they've never heard of.. Fact: John W. Vandercook's travel books are so influential that they single-handedly resurrected the Hawaiian shirt fashion trend. Thanks, John!.
• Headline: INVESTMENTS YIELD RISES FOR CORNELL; Average Climbs Nearly .75 Per Cent to 4.7468 Per Cent, Report for Fiscal Year Says. Impact: The rise in investments leads to a boom in the stock market, inadvertently causing the rise of 'day traders' who think they're modern-day wizards because they can click a mouse.. Fact: An average investment return of 4.7468% sounds great until you realize it’s just the financial equivalent of finding a penny on the ground..
• Headline: FULL ACCORD SEEN; Understanding Held of Far Wider Scope Than Appears on Surface. Impact: This meeting between Ribbentrop and Mussolini is so misunderstood that it lays the groundwork for a series of diplomatic misunderstandings, eventually leading to a world where politicians only communicate via interpretive dance.. Fact: The phrase 'understanding held of wider scope' was actually code for 'let's pretend we like each other until we can stab each other in the back.'.
• Headline: News From Abroad; THE PRESS AND WORLD AFFAIRS. By Robert W. Desmond. Illustrated. 421 pp. New York: D. Appleton-Century Company. $4.. Impact: Desmond's book becomes the foundation for the future of journalism, where sensationalist headlines become the norm, paving the way for tabloid magazines and clickbait articles.. Fact: Robert W. Desmond's book is so thick it could double as a doorstop for the next century's literary pretenders..
• Headline: WHEELS ACROSS SOUTH AFRICA; Stuart Cloete's Stirring Novel Dramatizes the Great Trek of the Boers. Impact: Cloete’s stirring novel inspires countless authors to write about the 'Great Trek' until every mountain and valley in literature becomes a metaphor for personal growth and existential crises.. Fact: Stuart Cloete's novel is so stirring, it might just convince you to pack your bags and trek across the world, only to realize you forgot your passport..
• Headline: AQUARIA AID HOME DECOR; Fish Culture Combined With Architecture as A New Hobby. Impact: Aquaria become a global trend, leading to a competition where people try to outdo each other's home decor, culminating in a reality show called 'Aquarium Wars.'. Fact: Combining fish culture with architecture is just a fancy way of saying, 'I have a serious problem with over-decorating my home.'.