OCTOBER 27, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mrs. W. E. Purdy's Community Impact. Impact: Mrs. Purdy's work in welfare led to a series of underwhelming charity events, which eventually resulted in the invention of the 'Charity Gala'—a social gathering where rich people can pretend to care while sipping overpriced cocktails.. Fact: Mrs. Purdy was more than just a welfare worker; she was the original 'how to sound compassionate at cocktail parties' expert..
• Headline: Testing Autos in an Acoustical Laboratory. Impact: The testing of quiet rides in electric chambers somehow led to the invention of the ASMR genre—because who doesn't want to be lulled to sleep by the sound of whispering and tapping?. Fact: This 'quiet room' was the precursor to every hipster café where people go to 'work' while ignoring the already too-loud ambient sounds of coffee grinding..
• Headline: Admiral's Letter to U.S. Amid Health Struggles. Impact: Admiral Uriu's cardiac injections not only saved his life but also inspired generations of students to take drastic measures just to avoid class—leading to the rise of 'sick days' as a cultural phenomenon.. Fact: Who knew that a letter could have such a dramatic impact? If only texting existed back then, maybe he'd have just sent a meme instead..
• Headline: JACOB ERNSTOF. Impact: Jacob Ernstof's mere existence led to confusion in future genealogy searches and a few awkward family reunions—'Wait, who is this guy again?'. Fact: Jacob Ernstof: because every historical record needs at least one name that sounds like a typo..
• Headline: MONTAGUE FREED OF HOLD-UP CHARGE; Jury Out Nearly Five Hours in 7-Year-Old Case of 'Mystery Golfer' of Hollywood. Impact: Montague's acquittal sparked a wave of legal dramas in Hollywood, leading to an influx of 'based on a true story' movies that were, shockingly, not true at all.. Fact: Turns out, being acquitted of a crime just means you get a better agent. Hollywood's justice system is really just a talent agency in disguise..
• Headline: PLEA FOR MAHONEY; Postmaster General Hails Candidate as New Dealer. Impact: The plea for Mahoney led to the infamous 'New Dealer' craze, which made political endorsements the new fashion statement, causing future politicians to wear their support like accessories.. Fact: Postmaster General Farley? More like Postmaster General of Hoping You Don't Notice My Political Opportunism..
• Headline: FINNS ASK CURB ON NAZIS; Attacks on Foreign Policy Draw Wide Protests From Democrats. Impact: Finnish protests against Nazis became a catalyst for future international diplomacy failures, proving that sometimes yelling at the bully only makes them more popular.. Fact: If only the Finns had known that protesting could lead to an annual 'National Yell at a Bully Day'—they would have patented it!.
• Headline: Stage Folk Aid Backer. Impact: Stage folk aiding backers unintentionally paved the way for the modern crowdfunding movement; now, artists can just ask strangers on the internet to finance their dreams of becoming the next big thing.. Fact: This was the original Kickstarter—except instead of rewards, you just got the satisfaction of knowing you might have helped fund a mediocre play..
• Headline: HASTINGS DERIDES DEWEY'S BACKERS; Charges the Rockefellers and Whitneys Join With Radical Unions to 'Buy' Office. Impact: Hastings' derision of Dewey's backers created a new political sport: mudslinging, where throwing dirt became more popular than actually having policies.. Fact: Today, we call it 'politics.' Back then? Just a really intense game of 'Who Can Be More Dramatic?'.
• Headline: Nicaraguan Judges Lose Posts in Killing Inquiry. Impact: The removal of Nicaraguan judges sparked a series of judicial reforms, resulting in a never-ending cycle of political upheaval—kind of like a soap opera, but with more paperwork.. Fact: In Nicaragua, the phrase 'judicial inquiry' is synonymous with 'grab your popcorn, things are about to get messy!'.