SEPTEMBER 13, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Farewell Celebration for Col. Beebe. Impact: As Col. Beebe left the regiment, his farewell speech inspired countless future military leaders to write emotional goodbye letters, leading to a sudden spike in sales of 'Dear John' letters and tissue companies. Who knew a colonel could impact the stationery industry?. Fact: Colonel Beebe's send-off was so touching that even the soldiers' mustaches were seen quivering..
• Headline: Richard G. S. Howland Passes Away. Impact: Richard G. S. Howland's death led to a sudden uptick in the number of aspiring journalists, all of whom believed they could fill the void left by his passing. Spoiler alert: they couldn’t.. Fact: Howland had an uncanny ability to predict the future of journalism; if only he had predicted his own obituary..
• Headline: Import Balance and Foreign Debt Insights. Impact: This revelation sparked a worldwide trend where countries began trading in weird merchandise—think Iceland trading fish for French cheese, and the U.S. trying to barter with freedom fries. Who knew debt could be so delicious?. Fact: E. A. Tupper's comments led to a new game show concept: 'Debt or Merchandise?'—a hit until they realized no one wanted to watch economics..
• Headline: 6,500 HEAR FINALS OF BARBER SHOP MUSIC; Tri-Boro Quartet Carries Off First Honors for Second YearLa Guardia Presents Prizes. Impact: The Tri-Boro Quartet’s win led to an unexpected renaissance in barber shop music, giving birth to a new genre: 'Hipster Barber Shop.' Who knew beards could harmonize?. Fact: The real reason La Guardia presented the prizes? He was hoping to get a free haircut from the winners..
• Headline: Dickson--Mehart. Impact: The union of Dickson and Mehart was the beginning of a long line of awkward family reunions and confusing genealogies. Somewhere, a confused historian is still trying to figure out who was related to whom.. Fact: The families involved spent years trying to figure out how to combine their names into something more marketable, like 'Dickhart.'.
• Headline: SIR PLUNKET BARTON, ANGLO-IRISH LAWYER; Prominent Barrister Is Dead in London-Was Well-Known Biographer and Historian. Impact: Sir Plunket Barton's death left a significant void in biographical literature, inspiring a wave of subpar biographies filled with exaggerated tales and questionable facts, leading to the rise of 'alternative history' as a genre.. Fact: Sir Plunket once wrote a biography so riveting that even the subject begged for a nap halfway through..
• Headline: IRAQ PRELATE OFFICIATES; Visiting Archbishop Celebrates Mass in Syriac, Tongue. Impact: The archbishop's mass in Syriac encouraged a surge in interest in ancient languages, leading to a bizarre resurgence of Latin clubs at high schools, where students were suddenly convinced they could communicate with ghosts.. Fact: The last time someone celebrated Mass in Syriac, the congregation thought it was 'bring your own language' day..
• Headline: BOYCOTT ALL JEWS; Polish Nationalists' Pickets Drive Would-Be Customers Away. Impact: This boycott sowed seeds of division and hatred that would resonate through generations, leading to tragic consequences that remind us of the importance of tolerance and understanding in society.. Fact: Boycotting people based on their identity has never resulted in anything good, but hey, some people just never learn..
• Headline: McCrea--McClumpha. Impact: The union of McCrea and McClumpha led to a comedic misunderstanding where every family gathering resulted in a debate over how to pronounce their hybrid name, inspiring countless sitcom episodes in the future.. Fact: Legend has it that the couple once tried to combine their family names into 'McClumCrea' until they realized it sounded far too much like a breakfast cereal..