SEPTEMBER 9, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Elizabeth Barbers Strike of 1937. Impact: Little did they know, this strike would lead to a nationwide trend of barbers refusing to cut hair until they were properly compensated. Fast forward a few decades, and we have the phenomenon of 'barber shops' turning into therapy sessions where men go for a trim and end up discussing their feelings.. Fact: Did you know that the average barber can cut hair faster than a politician can make a promise? Yet, here we are..
• Headline: Heckscher Proposes Tax Reform for Realty. Impact: This proposal sparked a wave of tax reforms that led to the infamous ‘Tax Debate of 2050,’ where everyone suddenly wanted to tax the internet… and failed miserably. Thanks, Heckschers of the world!. Fact: Fun fact: Taxes are the only thing in life that are guaranteed to rise faster than your stress levels!.
• Headline: American Students Abroad in 1937. Impact: This seemingly innocent trip initiated the tradition of American students pretending to be cultured while abroad, leading to decades of cringe-worthy travel stories and the invention of the phrase, 'I went to Europe and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'. Fact: Did you know that 26 students traveling abroad is basically the origin story of every bad American tourist stereotype?.
• Headline: QUITS BRIDGEPORT COUNCIL; Alderman Opposed by McLevy Administration Resigns Post. Impact: This resignation created a power vacuum that eventually led to a local coffee shop being turned into an unofficial political campaign headquarters. Who knew caffeine could fuel democracy?. Fact: Local politics: where resignations happen faster than you can say 'I vote for coffee.'.
• Headline: Soundproofing for Skyscraper. Impact: The introduction of soundproof ceilings not only improved hotel guest experiences but also led to a surge in secretive meetings and whispered conspiracies, ultimately resulting in the invention of the 'whisper booth'—for those who just can't keep their secrets to themselves.. Fact: Did you know that soundproofing is just a fancy way of saying, 'We don’t want to hear your snoring?'.
• Headline: WINDELS WITHDRAWS FROM ELECTIONS CASE; Declines o Continue as Counsel to Board in Dispute of Mahoney and Copeland Backers. Impact: Windels' withdrawal set a precedent for lawyers everywhere to exit complicated cases, leading to a new trend where lawyers charge more for 'emotional support' during politically charged disputes. Who knew legal drama could become a reality show?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than election law is trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t care?.
• Headline: FASCISTS IN UNISON; Identic Notes to Insist Non-Intervention Body Deal With Attacks. Impact: This event laid the groundwork for future 'united fronts' that would pop up like bad weeds in a garden, leading to the phrase 'If you can’t beat them, join them' being taken way too literally.. Fact: Fun historical fact: 'Fascist' is Italian for 'I’m really bad at making friends.'.
• Headline: VANDALS DAMAGE CHURCH; $1,500 Loss Caused by Breakage at Theft in East Orange. Impact: The damage to St. Joseph's led to community outrage, ultimately inspiring a series of local programs aimed at promoting compassion and community service. Unfortunately, the vandals likely missed the memo.. Fact: Vandalism is just another fancy word for 'I have no idea how to express my feelings.'.
• Headline: MAYORS AID TOQUEENS IS PRAISED BY HARVEY; Borough President Acknowledges Debt on Transit-Denies Any Political Significance. Impact: This moment of praise led to an ongoing debate about whether public transport should be a political tool or merely a way to get from point A to point B. Spoiler alert: it became both.. Fact: Did you know that public transportation is the only place where you can experience existential dread while stuck in traffic?.