AUGUST 19, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Charity Leader Mrs. Jonas B. Frenkel. Impact: If Mrs. Frenkel hadn’t pushed for charitable causes, the modern-day trend of influencers taking selfies with puppies for likes would have likely started decades earlier, leaving us with a world where philanthropy is measured in Instagram followers.. Fact: Despite all her good deeds, no one has found a way to combine charity work with TikTok dances yet. We're all still waiting..
• Headline: Historic Refueling Record Set by Pilots. Impact: This record-breaking refueling event led to an overconfidence in fuel-efficient flying techniques, paving the way for future pilots to think they can skip snacks on long flights, resulting in a generation of hangry travelers.. Fact: In the world of aviation, this was like the first time someone bragged about a 10-second bathroom break. Truly groundbreaking..
• Headline: Girl Scouts Unite Global Slang. Impact: This linguistic merger sparked a global cookie revolution, leading to the creation of flavors like 'Samoan Fusion' and 'Thin Mints à la Mode,' which still confuse people at bakeries today.. Fact: Now, thanks to this merger, you can order a 'S'mores Thin Mint' in five different languages and still not know what you just asked for..
• Headline: OCHS'S LIFE DRAMATIZED; Late Publisher's Career Portrayed Over Radio by WPA Cast. Impact: Ochs' dramatized life on radio inspired generations of people to think they could also have their lives turned into a dramatic podcast, leading to a slew of mediocre talk shows and a national obsession with self-promotion.. Fact: Listening to the dramatization led many to realize that their own lives were a bit too boring for radio, prompting a spike in 'interesting' social media posts..
• Headline: Governor Picks Wife as Alabama Senator; Mrs. Dixie Graves Is to Succeed Black. Impact: This appointment set a precedent that would echo through time, encouraging the idea that political qualifications could be inherited rather than earned, leading to a series of 'Family Business' political dynasties across the nation.. Fact: Because nothing says democracy quite like passing political power like it’s a family heirloom..
• Headline: Job Insurance Board Renamed. Impact: Renaming the Job Insurance Board was a bold move that resulted in a 50% increase in people thinking that they could actually get insurance for their job-related catastrophes—like trusting their coworkers.. Fact: It's a classic case of 'if you can’t fix it, rename it'—the most popular strategy in bureaucratic history..
• Headline: STAMFORD SAILORS TAKE MIDGET TITLE; Annex Last Race to Win Third Leg on Scovill Cup for Sound Championship PEQUOT IS THE RUNNER-UP Ties on Points, but Trailed Victors in Four of Five Tests--Manhasset Third. Impact: Winning this title gave Stamford sailors an inflated sense of superiority, leading them to believe they could conquer any body of water, even inflatable kiddie pools, which caused a regrettable summer of soggy socks.. Fact: This was the first time anyone realized that the term 'midget' was outdated, but hey, at least they still had fun on the water!.
• Headline: $4,390,000 SOUGHT FOR CITY COLLEGE; Requested Budget Is $900,000 Over Last Year's, Mainly for Mandatory Pay Rises TO BE SUBMITTED SEPT. 7 Special Grant of $286,313 for New Queens Institution Also Will Be Asked. Impact: The constant budget increases led to the rise of college tuition that now requires students to consider selling a kidney just to afford textbooks, a trend that is still going strong today.. Fact: At this rate, 'City College' is likely to be renamed 'City Debt' in the near future..