AUGUST 14, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Birth Announcement for E. P. Mellon’s Daughter. Impact: The birth of a child could be a turning point for the Mellon family, eventually leading to a dynasty of political influence, financial blunders, and an entire line of people who can’t seem to figure out how to spell their last name correctly. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'Mellon' also refers to a type of fruit. Coincidence? Probably not, given how sweet their fortunes have been.
• Headline: Urgent Call for Ft Hamilton School Site Decision. Impact: If they had decided on that school site sooner, perhaps future generations would have been spared from endless debates over school funding. Instead, they just pushed the problem down the timeline, like a bad game of hot potato. Fact: Did you know that delays in school site decisions usually lead to more angry parents? It’s like a never-ending cycle of frustration and school board meetings.
• Headline: ASKS MENT AL CLINICS IN BRONX AND QUEENS; Hospital Department Seeks to Extend Service to Readjust low Lives of Thousands in City fro. Impact: The establishment of mental clinics in the Bronx and Queens may have prevented the rise of countless conspiracy theorists and social media influencers from the area. We could have been spared so much nonsense!. Fact: Fun fact: Mental health services were so underfunded historically that it made the shortage of toilet paper in 2020 look like a well-stocked supermarket.
• Headline: COOPER DECLINES; DEWEY EXPECTED TO ENTER PRIMARY; MAYOR IN THE RACE. Impact: Cooper's decline opened the door for Dewey, who went on to redefine what it means to be a politician—namely, to say a lot and do very little, which somehow still resonates today. Fact: Did you know that running for mayor is basically a rite of passage for any politician? It’s like an audition for a role they’ve been rehearsing their whole lives.
• Headline: NEWS OF THE SCREEN; Two Openings Today--55th St. Playhouse to Present 'The Spanish Earth' on Friday-Hollywood Items News From Hollywood. Impact: The opening of 'The Spanish Earth' could have led to a chain reaction of artistic expression, resulting in the creation of cinematic masterpieces—or just a lot of pretentious films no one actually wants to watch. Fact: Fun fact: 'The Spanish Earth' was one of those films that made you feel smarter just by watching it. Or at least that’s what the critics wanted you to think.
• Headline: BOOKS OF THE TIMES; Material. Impact: The publication of new material often leads to an overwhelming number of book clubs forming, which in turn leads to a lot of awkward discussions over wine about characters nobody can remember. Fact: Did you know that the term 'book club' is just a fancy way of saying 'an excuse to drink wine and pretend we read the book'?.
• Headline: Radio Plane at 4,500 Feet Hit by British Gun Crew. Impact: This incident may have spurred advancements in radio-controlled technology, inadvertently paving the way for drone warfare. So, thanks a lot, British gun crew. Fact: Fun fact: This incident is often cited as a lesson in how not to treat flying toys. The consequences can be disastrous!.
• Headline: FESTIVAL DANCERS APPEAR IN 'TREND'; Bennington Group Executes a New Kind of Composition by Hanya Holm LARGE CROWD APPLAUDS Music, Chiefly by Wallingford Riegger, Includes Edgar Varese's 'lonization'n' A Different Approach Dramatic Composition. Impact: The festival dancers’ performance may have sparked a trend that led to modern dance, which ultimately gives us everything from TikTok dances to interpretive performances that leave us wondering what we just watched. Fact: Did you know that dance is often called the 'silent language'? Which is great, because sometimes you really don't want to hear what they have to say.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: The analysis of social and economic changes may have influenced countless sociologists and economists, leading to endless debates on ancestry that never really result in any actual solutions—much like every family reunion. Fact: Fun fact: Talking about ancestry is the only acceptable way to avoid discussing politics at a dinner party. You're welcome!.