AUGUST 5, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hope Y. Hanger Marries John Haynes. Impact: If Mrs. Hope Y. Hanger hadn't married John Haynes, we might have avoided a whole series of comically named children and a reality TV show about their yacht adventures. Thank you, butterfly effect!. Fact: Fun fact: The name 'Hope Y. Hanger' is actually a clever pun on her aspirations for marriage, or perhaps her desire to hang out with wealthy yacht owners..
• Headline: G Tinsley's Resignation Shakes Chicago Cards. Impact: G Tinsley resigning might have sparked a wave of resignations across various fields, leading to a global shortage of office chairs as people were too busy leaving to sit down.. Fact: G Tinsley must have realized that sometimes, the best way to fix a problem is to just walk away and let someone else deal with it..
• Headline: SAILORS ARE ENTERTAINED; Men From H. M. S. York Attend a Smoker at Newport Beach. Impact: By entertaining sailors, the Newport Beach community may have inadvertently set the stage for a new trend in nautical-themed parties, leading to an explosion of sailor-themed cocktails and nautical fashion disasters.. Fact: Sailors are known for their wild parties, but really, they just want an excuse to wear their cute little hats..
• Headline: MAYOR DENOUNCED ON RISE IN BUDGET; Goldsmith Charges La Guardia Has Cost City's Taxpayers $50,000,000 a Year SAYS PROMISE IS IGNORED Fears $3 to $5 Monthly Increase in Low Rents as Result of 'Extravagance' REGISTERS ASK INCREASE Miss Byrne Requests $18,284 Rise in Budget Allowance. Impact: This budget denouncement might have sparked a revolution among taxpayers, resulting in a city-wide movement to overthrow all mayors with extravagant tastes. Who knew frugality could be so thrilling?. Fact: La Guardia's budget was a popular topic, but let's be honest, nobody ever really enjoyed discussing taxes until they realized they could complain about them at happy hour..
• Headline: U. S. YACHT TAKES THIRD RACE IN ROW; Ranger Defeats Endeavour II by 4 Minutes 27 Seconds Over 30-Mile Course SAIL FOURTH EVENT TODAY Vanderbilt Needs Only One More Victory to Retain the America's Cup Agrees to Race Today High and Priceless Seat U. S. YACHT TAKES THIRD RACE IN ROW Rails Down in Breeze Double Headrigs Set Half Mile in Front. Impact: The Ranger yacht's third win could have inspired a new generation of competitive yacht racers who believe that if they have a boat, they must race it, leading to a rise in nautical nonsense across the globe.. Fact: Winning the America’s Cup is great and all, but let’s be real: the real prize is the ability to say, 'I own a yacht!' at brunch..
• Headline: MILLER BREAKS 498 CLAYS; Indiana Marksman Wins Marshall Shoot, Missing Only Twice. Impact: Miller's clay shooting achievement may have inspired a wave of amateur shooters, leading to a global resurgence in gun safety courses and endless debates over who can hit the broad side of a barn.. Fact: Breaking 498 clays is impressive, but unless you can break a bad habit, you might want to stick to clay pigeons..
• Headline: Movie Extras Stage Battle. Impact: The extras riot in Hollywood could be seen as the first step towards unionizing Hollywood's background talent, leading to the eventual rise of a glamorous army of well-dressed disgruntled actors.. Fact: Movie extras are like the unsung heroes of film—nobody remembers their names, but without them, Hollywood would just be one long monologue..