JUNE 29, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Minsky Theatre May Reopen for Vaudeville. Impact: The reopening of the Minsky Theatre eventually leads to the revival of vaudeville, which inspires a new generation of comedians, ultimately resulting in the creation of TikTok. Who knew a theatre could birth a social media empire?. Fact: Did you know that vaudeville was basically the Netflix of the early 20th century? Except instead of binge-watching, you had to sit in an uncomfortable seat and pretend to enjoy a juggler while your grandma yelled at you to 'cheer up!'.
• Headline: Zionist Leaders Urge Action in 1937. Impact: The calls for support from Zionist leaders lead to a series of political maneuvers that ultimately reshape Middle Eastern geopolitics. Who knew a convention could have such global implications? It’s like a really intense game of Risk, but with real consequences.. Fact: Isn't it ironic? A thousand people gathered to discuss being 'whittled down'—just like my patience when reading political news..
• Headline: Obituary of Col. L. A. Watres. Impact: Colonel Watres' passing marks the end of an era in Scranton journalism, leading to the rise of sensationalist tabloids. If only he knew that his legacy would inspire headlines like 'Aliens Invade Scranton!'. Fact: Colonel Watres was 86 when he passed away, proving once again that the fountain of youth is apparently just a bottle of ink and a lot of stubbornness..
• Headline: Meyers--Hahn. Impact: This marriage leads to a merger of two influential families, which in turn sparks a series of dramatic soap operas about family feuds that become the basis for reality TV. Truly, love knows no bounds—or good taste.. Fact: Meyers and Hahn? Sounds like a law firm that specializes in family dramas and awkward Thanksgiving dinners..
• Headline: COL. C. J. MANLY, 65, OF MEDICAL CORPS; Former Surgeon General of Ninth Corps Area Cited for His Work in War. Impact: Colonel Manly’s contributions to medicine during wartime lead to advancements in medical practices that save countless lives, influencing military medicine for generations. A true hero, he made many sacrifices—but at least not the 'Manly' name.. Fact: Colonel Manly's name was quite ironic—imagine if he had been a dentist! 'Manly Dentistry: We Pull Teeth with Grit!'.
• Headline: ALFRED DAVENPORT. Impact: Alfred Davenport's legacy, while perhaps less known, inspires a future generation of people to adopt the first name 'Alfred' as a quirky nod to vintage charm. Watch out, hipsters!. Fact: The name Alfred peaked in popularity back when 'cool' meant wearing a top hat and monocle. Good luck pulling that off in 2023!.
• Headline: PROF. ADOLF ERMAN; Directed Compilation of Dictionary of Egyptian Hieroglyphics. Impact: Erman's work leads to a renewed interest in ancient Egypt, resulting in a flurry of blockbuster movies featuring mummies and curses, which in turn spawns countless Halloween costumes. Thanks, Professor!. Fact: If only the ancient Egyptians had a dictionary for all the hieroglyphs they created, they might have avoided the whole 'lost in translation' issue that created so many curses!.
• Headline: U. S. NEUTRALITY BACKED; Approved by a Large Majority In Poll of Youth Congress. Impact: The overwhelming support for neutrality influences future generations to create a culture of indecision, where every social gathering devolves into a debate over whether to order pizza or sushi. Thanks, Youth Congress!. Fact: Neutrality is like that friend who can't choose a movie—always stuck in the middle and making everyone else suffer through Netflix scrolling..
• Headline: Peelle--Ritter. Impact: The union of Peelle and Ritter sparks a minor but significant trend in unusual last names, leading to a future where children are named after their favorite snacks. 'Peelle-Ritter' could have been the next big chip brand!. Fact: Peelle and Ritter? Sounds like a dynamic duo from a buddy cop movie. ‘Coming this summer: Peelle & Ritter—fighting crime one snack at a time!’.
• Headline: AWARDS ARE MADE AT PEDDIE SCHOOL; Mark W. Swetland Jr. Gets the 'Highest Honors' in Class of 97 Graduates ALSO IS VALEDICTORIAN D. R. Oliver and C. V. Stumpp Accorded 'High Honors'-5 Receive Scholarships. Impact: The recognition of Mark W. Swetland Jr. inspires a generation of students to aim for academic excellence, inadvertently leading to the rise of overachieving helicopter parents. Thanks a lot, Mark!. Fact: Peddie School’s awards ceremony is basically the Olympics for brainiacs. Spoiler alert: no one gets a gold medal, but plenty of parents get emotional!.