MAY 22, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Princeton Coach B Clarke's Honor Ceremony. Impact: This event led to a bizarre chain reaction where every future coach felt the need to be honored, resulting in a world where sports awards ceremonies turned into extravagant galas. Now, every time someone ties their shoelaces, a new trophy is created.. Fact: Did you know that this honor was so prestigious that it sparked a trend of coaches getting honored for just showing up? Pretty soon, ‘presence’ awards were handed out like candy..
• Headline: Surge in Federal Tax Revenue 1937. Impact: This tax gain initiated a financial arms race among governments, leading to a future where every citizen has a personal tax collector shadowing them, just to make sure they don’t forget to pay their dues.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all that tax money, it would reach the moon? Unfortunately, the IRS would also find a way to tax you for lunar travel..
• Headline: Phillips Company Steps In for Utility. Impact: This corporate maneuver led to a future where companies began operating each other's utilities, resulting in a dystopian world where you could get an electric bill from a shoe factory.. Fact: Did you know that this corporate collaboration sparked the 'Utility Wars'? That’s right, rival companies started competing over who could provide electricity while also selling donuts..
• Headline: Paul M. Reads Have a Son. Impact: The birth of this child set off a genealogy chain reaction, leading to a future where every descendant is convinced they are the next great leader, resulting in an endless succession of ‘readers’ of the family tree.. Fact: Did you know that this son will eventually have to deal with questions like, 'So, what’s your dad's most famous accomplishment?' Talk about pressure!.
• Headline: RHODE ISLAND STATE LEADS WAY ON TRACK; Kingston Squad Places 16 in Finals of the New England College Championships. Impact: This tiny state’s athletic prowess sparked a rivalry that would lead to Rhode Island becoming the Olympic training ground for every underdog team in history, culminating in a future where competitive potato sack races are an Olympic sport.. Fact: Did you know that after this event, Rhode Island tried to trademark the phrase ‘Small but Mighty’? Unfortunately, they got sued by a group of ants..
• Headline: Court Post Undecided, Roosevelt Tells Press. Impact: Roosevelt’s indecision led to a future where politicians are encouraged to remain vague and noncommittal, resulting in the rise of the ‘Politician’s Handbook of Ambiguity’—a best seller!. Fact: Did you know that Roosevelt’s indecision was so famous, it inspired a new political party: The Reluctant Party, where every decision is put to a vote… indefinitely..
• Headline: First Girl in M. I. T. Test Wins One of the Prizes. Impact: This groundbreaking victory created a ripple effect, encouraging girls everywhere to pursue science, leading to the future where female scientists dominate Nobel Prize ceremonies—good luck getting a word in edgewise, gentlemen.. Fact: Did you know that her victory also led to the creation of the ‘Smart Girls Only’ club? Sorry boys, but there’s a strict ‘No Boys Allowed’ policy..
• Headline: HELEN E. CAMERON BECOMES ENGAGED; Crestwood Girl's Betrothal to George William Shine Is Announced AUTUMN BRIDAL PLANNED Bride-Elect Was Graduated From Wellesley--Her Fiance Is a Boston College Alumnus. Impact: This engagement launched a series of social events that would keep the local florists and bakeries in business for decades, resulting in an eventual shortage of wedding cakes and flowers.. Fact: Did you know that Helen’s engagement was so celebrated, it became the blueprint for all future engagement parties? Yes, the pressure to outdo this one was real!.
• Headline: MRS. ROOSEVELT SEES HOMESTEADS ON TOUR; With a Party of Friends She Visits Projects in West Vir ginia and Pennsvlvania. Impact: Her tour inspired a national movement to promote rural development, leading to a future where homesteading became the new cool thing, and suddenly everyone wanted a goat.. Fact: Did you know that Mrs. Roosevelt’s tour was so influential that goat yoga classes became a nationwide trend? Now that’s what I call a legacy!.