MAY 3, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Women Unite for Unemployment Relief. Impact: This linen sale organized by women somehow led to the invention of the comforter, which later caused humanity to become lazy and favor Netflix over actual social interaction. Thanks, women!. Fact: Did you know that linen was once considered so fancy that only the upper class could afford it? Now everyone just uses it to make their beds look like they belong in a magazine..
• Headline: Governor Advocates for Liquor Law Compliance. Impact: This radio broadcast set the stage for future politicians to use airwaves as a means of controlling the masses, leading to the modern-day phenomenon of politicians tweeting while sitting on the toilet.. Fact: Funny how the Governor praises a control system for liquor while simultaneously reminding everyone that he has the ultimate control over what they consume. Cheers!.
• Headline: Thor Solberg's Seaplane Acquisition Journey. Impact: Thor Solberg's journey to buy seaplanes inadvertently led to the rise of aviation as a sport, which eventually resulted in those ridiculous air shows where planes loop-de-loop while people hold their breath in awe or terror.. Fact: Did you know that buying seaplanes was once a thing? Now, you just download a flight simulator and pretend to be a pilot without leaving your couch..
• Headline: Europe; De Valera Has No Fear for an Isolated Erin. Impact: De Valera's confidence in isolationism laid the groundwork for countless debates on nationalism, leading to future leaders believing that walls were the answer to every problem.. Fact: Did you know that isolationism is like trying to solve your relationship issues by moving to a different city? Spoiler: It doesn't work..
• Headline: BLAZING FIREPLACES KEEP POPE FROM CHILL; Every Precaution Taken to Guard Pontiff's Health at His Villa--His Activities Curtailed. Impact: The Pope's cautious approach to health eventually led to the Vatican investing in a fleet of health experts, which now means that every time the Pope sneezes, the world holds its breath.. Fact: Every precaution taken to guard the Pope's health? I guess even the Vatican has its own version of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians'—except with more incense..
• Headline: Liner Queen Mary to Get New Propellers In Effort to Regain Atlantic Championship. Impact: The Queen Mary's quest for speed created a chain reaction where every ship felt the need to compete, leading to some very questionable cruise ship entertainment options decades later.. Fact: New propellers for the Queen Mary? Because nothing says luxury like being propelled through the ocean at breakneck speeds, right until the buffet line opens..
• Headline: Bagg--Busch. Impact: The Bagg-Busch announcement sparked countless debates on whether hyphenated names were the way to go, leading to a generation of children with names that sound like law firms.. Fact: Bagg and Busch? Sounds like a buddy cop movie waiting to happen—'Bagg & Busch: Saving the World, One Punchline at a Time.'.
• Headline: Topics of The Times; Our Funny Folk-Ways. Impact: The discussion about 'Funny Folk-Ways' led to the rise of stand-up comedy and internet memes—because who doesn't love a good laugh at the expense of humanity?. Fact: Rival fairs? Just another reminder that competition can turn even the most mundane events into a reality show. Next up: 'The Great Fair-Off!'.