FEBRUARY 23, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nazis Promote Early Marriage for Racial Purity. Impact: Encouraging young marriages for the sake of racial purity led to a series of questionable decisions in future generations, ultimately resulting in a spike in awkward family reunions and a peculiar love for genealogy.. Fact: Did you know that the Nazis had a 'family tree' obsession? Their idea of love was more about bloodlines than butterflies in the stomach..
• Headline: Guffey-Vinson Coal Bill Advances in House. Impact: The omission of wages and hours clauses from the coal bill set a precedent for the future where employees in various industries learned the hard way that regulations can be as useful as a chocolate teapot.. Fact: Fun fact: This bill was so popular with lawmakers that it could have been the headline act at a comedy club, with 'wages and hours' being the punchline nobody wanted to hear..
• Headline: Violence Erupts Between Jews and Arabs. Impact: The violence in Palestine led to a longstanding cycle of conflict, and if you trace it back through history, it turns out that even the most innocent of misunderstandings can lead to major geopolitical messes—like a game of telephone gone wrong.. Fact: It’s ironic that both sides were fighting for peace. It’s like watching two kids argue over who gets to keep the last cookie in the jar..
• Headline: Give Up Hope for 7 in Plane. Impact: The search for the missing plane became a case study in how quickly hope can turn into a national pastime: it's the original 'Where's Waldo?' but with much higher stakes.. Fact: Did you know that missing planes have a tendency to show up right after everyone has given up? It's like they enjoy the dramatic tension..
• Headline: Cardenas Acts to End Gambling. Impact: Ending gambling on the border may have seemed like a good idea, but without it, who knows how many poker nights were ruined and how many future card sharks were discouraged from sharpening their skills?. Fact: Gambling was so popular that it became a tradition—because who wouldn't want to risk their savings on a game of chance? Just like investing in stocks, but with better snacks..
• Headline: TORTURING IS LAID TO JAPAN'S POLICE; Diet Member Demands That the Government Stamp Out Extorting of Confessions. Impact: The calls for Japan's police to stop torturing led to an eventual rethinking of interrogation methods worldwide, proving that sometimes, it takes a scandal to make people realize that being nice is actually more effective.. Fact: Surprisingly, torturing people doesn't yield the best results. Who knew? Maybe we should have held a seminar on better communication instead..
• Headline: Ethiopia and Spain Asked To the British Coronation. Impact: Inviting Ethiopia and Spain to the British Coronation was a move that rippled through history, leading to a confusion of invitations and a future where everyone suddenly wanted to crash royal parties.. Fact: It’s funny how a party invitation can spark international relations. Perhaps they should have just sent out a group text instead..
• Headline: DR. BUTLER PRAISES PUERTO RICO REGIME; Winship Deserves Support, He Says on Return From Hunt for Columbus Memorial Site. Impact: Dr. Butler's praise of the Puerto Rico regime may have unwittingly contributed to a long-standing relationship between the U.S. and Puerto Rico, which has involved a lot of complicated feelings and awkward Thanksgiving dinners.. Fact: Winship may have deserved support, but let's be honest—every regime has that one guy who thinks he’s the main character in a movie when he’s really just an extra..
• Headline: RUTGERS HONORS TWO AT ALUMNI-SESSION; Henry Marelli and- C. S. Aitkin Get Medals for Service to University and Public. Impact: Honoring two alumni at Rutgers was the start of a long-standing tradition where mediocre achievements get glorified and everyone pretends that medals actually mean something in the real world.. Fact: Receiving an alumni award is like being handed a participation trophy for making it through college. Congrats, you survived!.