FEBRUARY 9, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nespeco-Brennan Conference 1937. Impact: If only Dr. Jas V. Nespeco-Brennan had invented time travel instead of just being a name on a headline, we might have avoided the whole 'not learning from history' thing altogether.. Fact: Ever wonder if it's 'Nespeco' or 'Nespeco-Brennan'? Sounds like a fancy coffee blend..
• Headline: Steel Orders Mark Industrial Growth. Impact: The steel orders placed might have inadvertently led to a future where everyone thinks their IKEA furniture is made of the same stuff as skyscrapers. Spoiler: it's not.. Fact: Bethlehem Steel was once the largest steel producer in the U.S. It’s like the heavyweight champion of iron and metal, only without the cool belt..
• Headline: Costa Rica's Airmail Stamp Launch. Impact: These new stamps likely sparked a worldwide postal revolution, leading to the modern-day obsession with collecting stamps and getting lost in the rabbit hole of numismatics.. Fact: Stamps are the only form of currency where you can send a letter and potentially receive a bill for it later. How's that for value?.
• Headline: REBEL DRIVE FAILS TO CUT OFF MADRID; Fighting Wanes With Loyal Defenders Still Holding Valencia Road to Sea. Impact: The failure to cut off Madrid might have inadvertently led to an endless loop of rebels and loyalists fighting over the same territory, like a bad episode of a soap opera.. Fact: The Spanish Civil War was one of the most complex conflicts in history—like trying to untangle a pair of earphones after they've been in your pocket..
• Headline: HUTTON ATTACKS VALIDITY OF SEC; Exchange Firm Seeks to Quash Show Cause Order in Manipulation Charge. Impact: If Hutton had successfully quashed the manipulation charge, it might have inspired a generation of stockbrokers to think they could manipulate the market without consequence. Look where that got us.. Fact: SEC stands for Securities and Exchange Commission, but it could also stand for 'Seriously Embracing Chaos' given the history of market fluctuations..
• Headline: CURB EXCHANGE PICKS FOURTEEN GOVERNORS; Elects Regular Slate, Including Gratuity Fund Trustees-Board Meets Tomorrow. Impact: The election of fourteen governors just solidifies the age-old adage: 'More cooks in the kitchen just leads to a bigger mess!'. Fact: Governors are like the middle managers of politics; they make decisions but also complain about not having enough power..
• Headline: DIPLOMATIC SHIFTS REPORTED IN CAPITAL; Ambassadors Gibson, Caffery and Dodd May Be Transferred to New Posts. Impact: Diplomatic shifts can often lead to international misunderstandings, like accidentally liking an ex's photo on social media. Just awkward all around.. Fact: Transferring ambassadors is like playing musical chairs, but with more paperwork and less fun..
• Headline: MEETING TONIGHT; Governor Feels Parties Are 'Closer Together' Despite Near-Collapse. Impact: The governor's claim of parties being 'closer together' probably resulted in a future of endless political gridlock, because who doesn't love a good stalemate?. Fact: Political meetings are often just a polite way of saying 'let's talk about problems we won't solve.'.
• Headline: CREDIT RENEWALS SEEN FOR GERMANY; Bankers in Berlin for Extension of 'Standstill' for a Year Are Optimistic. Impact: If bankers had not been optimistic about credit renewals, we might have avoided some of history’s most epic financial collapses. Alas, optimism is the first step to disaster.. Fact: The term 'standstill agreement' sounds like something you'd discuss with your couch when deciding whether to binge-watch another season..